A before
Posted: Thu May 19, 2005 10:49 pm
I'm not in a good place right now, and I have a bad feeling I'm not gonna get through without SI. I'm not sure if I want to get through. But anyway...
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Its been a really stressful week. I'm running out of time to finish college, do exams, and prepare for my gap year. Or at least I feel I do. I'm probably not that short of time. Then this evening my mother's just been an absolute pain in the backside, and constantly getting on my back. Now I just want to cut
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes, many a time. I usually SI. Well I normally ride it out for a while then give in. Today I'm too tired to even try fighting. When I SI I feel better for a bit, Right now I feel I need that breathing space
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Come on here. Got some work out of the way. Am avoiding my mum. Took my dog out to flyball. I still feel bad. What else can I do? Well, any number of things off the coping lists, but right now I don't want to - I want to cut and nothing else
How do I feel right now?
So tense that I'm about to crack. Hurt and angry at my mum. Stressed. Triggery. My arms have gone really sensitive.
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Utter relief. Relaxed. Free
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Bad that I gave in, but not that bad. Happier than I feel now. Able to think clearly.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Well I leave the country in 3 weeks, which might help!
Do I need to hurt myself?
No. No one ever needs to hurt themself. But that doesn't stop me wanting to and feeling like its the best option. The only problem is, I really can't. I'm doing Camp America this summer and the last thing I want is visible scars. My arm has healed really well, and if I cut now it'll mess all that up. But unfortunately there are ways round that, so even that isn't really convincing me.
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Its been a really stressful week. I'm running out of time to finish college, do exams, and prepare for my gap year. Or at least I feel I do. I'm probably not that short of time. Then this evening my mother's just been an absolute pain in the backside, and constantly getting on my back. Now I just want to cut
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes, many a time. I usually SI. Well I normally ride it out for a while then give in. Today I'm too tired to even try fighting. When I SI I feel better for a bit, Right now I feel I need that breathing space
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Come on here. Got some work out of the way. Am avoiding my mum. Took my dog out to flyball. I still feel bad. What else can I do? Well, any number of things off the coping lists, but right now I don't want to - I want to cut and nothing else
How do I feel right now?
So tense that I'm about to crack. Hurt and angry at my mum. Stressed. Triggery. My arms have gone really sensitive.
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Utter relief. Relaxed. Free
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Bad that I gave in, but not that bad. Happier than I feel now. Able to think clearly.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Well I leave the country in 3 weeks, which might help!
Do I need to hurt myself?
No. No one ever needs to hurt themself. But that doesn't stop me wanting to and feeling like its the best option. The only problem is, I really can't. I'm doing Camp America this summer and the last thing I want is visible scars. My arm has healed really well, and if I cut now it'll mess all that up. But unfortunately there are ways round that, so even that isn't really convincing me.