bus

have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Yeah, I'm ok

what had happened just before?
I had a session with my T and we talked about how my BF isn't being good to me.. and we read a phamphet and he did everything that a verbally abusive person does, like all 30. I talked to my BF after and he said he would have to think, he wasn't sure if we could be together. We aren't broken up, he's just not sure if he wants to be with me

what were you thinking and feeling?
I was just really sad.. he said I was a good person, but not good for him. The whole reason I'm stopping cutting, going to a T, losing weight, basically the only reason I'm alive is because of him. He's the best thing that will ever happent o me and i'm going to lose it. nobody else will put up with a lard ass cutter girl


why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it?
I just had to feel that feeling we all know so well.. I needed it more than breath

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.
I guess I could have ignored what my BF was doing and let it go on as usual, but I think that would have been worse than cutting.


were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
Not really


what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I've been struggling with it for awhile... but i'm almost glad I did it. I feel a hell of a lot better.


in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I guess I could have called someone else, even my T...


name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I'm going to put the list of coping methods on my wall and i'll try to make more friends so I can turn to more people


how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
It's not resolved, it's not better, but I feel better... because I cut


are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
I know it... I know it'll be back. I guess I can just keep fighting. Thats all anyone can do

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
1. call someone
2. write something
3. listen to calming music

nobody else will put up with a lard ass cutter girl

one who goes around saying it... or one who is struggling to change how she thinks about herself?
i have a hard time being friends with people who verbally beat themselves up when i'm around them. i can deal with them effectively on the board & in situations where i'm dealing with them yet not as a friend... it's tough though. i've found that atm i cannot be friends/constantly around people who expect me to counter their thoughts. to build them up constantly. etc. people who are struggling to change their thinking are different. because it's not so constant & not so much 'here do this for me' it's more 'help support me in doing this for myself'

i'm wondering how you could rephrase that comment... how could you make it sound less like that's inherently who you are... & challenge your own thinking.

He's the best thing that will ever happent o me and i'm going to lose it.

verbal abuse is not a good thing. whether it comes from someone else or comes from within yourself. sometimes people can help us at a certain time... yet eventually the negative aspects of that relationship can outweigh the positive.
& he's not the only guy in the world. it doesn't mean it won't hurt. it doesn't mean that you won't grieve the loss. it does mean it's not the end of the world. it's not the end of your life.

I needed it more than breath

did you? would you have died if you'd not cut? does cutting change the fact that your bf is verbally abusive? does it change the fact that whether or not you remain in a relationship with him is not fully under your control? will you be better prepared to deal more healthfully with things in the future?
i can relate to it feeling like a 'need'. i very much disagree though.

have you checked the coping board? the long list of distractions on there? etc?

I don't go around saying those things.. I don't go around saying any of the things I post on here. Sorry if that pisses you off... I just wanted to be hones,t and thats what I honestly think. I mean, really, look around. See how the world is. I guess you think I go around and whine to people... I thought it would be ok to be honest here and not have to hide..

i'm not pissed. if i were pissed most likely i'd not have taken the time to post
i'm not saying that you do go around saying those things. i don't know you well enough to even guess as to whether or not you do. i was simply wanting to clarify whether you meant you were thinking those things or going around saying them. whether or not you personally go around saying those things aloud... some people do.
it is ok to be honest here. & if you'd prefer to not have questions asked or whatever that's ok to be honest about as well.

You may be surprised how many people out there don't judge on first appearances. If you let your personality come through, try to be confident in yourself (I know thats easier said than done!) then I'm sure you will make friends. Even if you do lose your bf, then it doesn't mean you don't have a reason to keep going. You should be able to do it for yourself, because you're worth it. I know I don't know you, but I can still say with utter confidence that you are. And I think what Plantt's saying is you need to try to believe that yourself.

Its not that you can't be honest here - please do be, but do try to challenge your thinking. Maybe try writing out positive things about yourself and stick them up around your room - almost subliminally it can help change how you view yourself and give yourself a bit more self-confidence.

1. call someone
2. write something
3. listen to calming music

That's great. Maybe you could put a note of those three things over your tools or something (if you use a certain thing) and resolve that you won't move that note and continue on to SI until you've tried all three things. I just know its easy to say you'll do them now, but then forget them in the heat of the moment. Perhaps note down a few people's numbers that you can call.

Take care of you
Andi