Before
Posted: Fri May 06, 2005 2:13 am
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I have had a bad day...I had to say goodbye to some people and I don't know what to do with my reaction to this. I feel unimportant...It doesn't help that I won't be able to see my T for the next three weeks. He said I could email him, but I really don't know what I think about that...and right now I don't want to sort that out either.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Saying goodbye...not recently. Feeling "too full" of emotions that I can't sort out...yes, often. I usually cut, although sometimes I try to tolerate it or figure it out...thinking about it usually makes the feeling overwhelmed worse. I can usually tolerate it for a little while and then end up doing some form of SI. When I cut...I usually feel better immediately and more depressed longer term.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I have eaten dinner (actually adds to the discomfort cause now I want to purge too), went to a small group Bible study, and I am now filling this out. What can I do that won't hurt me...I want to stop thinking and stop feeling, but I don't have a way to do that other than SI. I want to disappear...not forever, just long enough for the feelings and current situations to go away.
How do I feel right now?
I feel...I don't know. I can't really find a word right now...Physically, my head hurts, I am sorta droopy, and have an empty feeling in my stomach (Although I have eaten). Can any of you figure out what I am feeling?
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
I will feel calm...not much of any feeling. That would be the point.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I don't know how I would feel tonight...It might be a fine line. I could feel a lot better...or I could shut down too much and start dissociating, which isn't always fun...sometimes it feels worse than others. Tomorrow...I am going to be sad that I am so weak and angry that I was a failure and afraid of what life is going to throw at me next...and probably many other things, but I can't think of them right now.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
No...eventually everyone leaves. No way to avoid it...deal with it better? I don't know. I am doing the best I can right now, but I hope someday that I will have better ways.
Do I need to hurt myself?
No, I should be strong enough to get through this without SI. But I don't know if I will really make it or if I am going to fail again.
I have had a bad day...I had to say goodbye to some people and I don't know what to do with my reaction to this. I feel unimportant...It doesn't help that I won't be able to see my T for the next three weeks. He said I could email him, but I really don't know what I think about that...and right now I don't want to sort that out either.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Saying goodbye...not recently. Feeling "too full" of emotions that I can't sort out...yes, often. I usually cut, although sometimes I try to tolerate it or figure it out...thinking about it usually makes the feeling overwhelmed worse. I can usually tolerate it for a little while and then end up doing some form of SI. When I cut...I usually feel better immediately and more depressed longer term.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I have eaten dinner (actually adds to the discomfort cause now I want to purge too), went to a small group Bible study, and I am now filling this out. What can I do that won't hurt me...I want to stop thinking and stop feeling, but I don't have a way to do that other than SI. I want to disappear...not forever, just long enough for the feelings and current situations to go away.
How do I feel right now?
I feel...I don't know. I can't really find a word right now...Physically, my head hurts, I am sorta droopy, and have an empty feeling in my stomach (Although I have eaten). Can any of you figure out what I am feeling?
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
I will feel calm...not much of any feeling. That would be the point.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I don't know how I would feel tonight...It might be a fine line. I could feel a lot better...or I could shut down too much and start dissociating, which isn't always fun...sometimes it feels worse than others. Tomorrow...I am going to be sad that I am so weak and angry that I was a failure and afraid of what life is going to throw at me next...and probably many other things, but I can't think of them right now.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
No...eventually everyone leaves. No way to avoid it...deal with it better? I don't know. I am doing the best I can right now, but I hope someday that I will have better ways.
Do I need to hurt myself?
No, I should be strong enough to get through this without SI. But I don't know if I will really make it or if I am going to fail again.