bus

have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
yes I have. went to the ER and everything. they put dermabond (basically superglue) on one of them.

what had happened just before?
my mom was being a major pain in the ass. my sister is moving and my mom said that she wishes she would just go ahead and just move away.

what were you thinking and feeling?
"How dare she say that!!!"
upset, angry, frustrated, hurt

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it?
I was manic and then i crashed into depression and couldn't take it anymore. I'm manic again now though.

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.
I couldn't control the final straw. my doc and i are trying to figure out medications and getting the right mixture.

were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
LACK OF SLEEP, definitely. I've been manic for about a week now and the crash was the first and only sign of the mania subsiding, but the mania is back (i'm a rapid cycler, really rapid)

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
i didn't try anything except writing in my journal and smoking.

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I could try anything and it would work better than what I did. I could punch a pillow, throw my tennis ball around, or call someone.

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I could make a list of coping mechanisms and post them in different areas of the house.

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
not resolved. don't know how to resolve it because we don't talk to each other very well. any ideas?

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
yes. If I can catch the anger sooner then I will be able tostop myself sooner, but i don't recognize anger very well.

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
1. journal
2. call someone
3. go for a walk
4. get out of the house in some other way

Why were you so angry with your mother when she said those things about your sister?
Has she made comments like this before?
What have you done other times if she said things that were hurtful?

How are you feeling now?

Other than picking off all the dermabond, I am doing fine now. I manic and really getting tired of it though. The dermabond started itching and I had to get it off. Right now, I am holding the cut together with butterfly closures. They are working pretty well, considering the severity of the wound. I just can't afford to go to the ER again.

I was so angry with my mother because my sister and I are really close and when I told my sister what my mom said, she got really upset. I had to tell her though. It would not have been fair to not tell her. Does that make sense?

My mom has done this before, unfortunately. She does it alot actually. Other times that she has done it, I have hurt myself. I don't handle my mom being a bitch very well. She's supposed to be the one that loves me and takes care of me and my sister, and all she can talk about lately is how poor we are and how I'm not getting any better. I would be getting better if I didn't have to deal with the things that I have to deal with, like her being a bitch, or flashbacks and dissociation.

Right now, I am doing okay. I kinda want to cut again, but I think I may have learned my lesson last night when I comes to hurting myself when I am extremely upset or manic or depressed. I know that is when I do it the most, but when I am seriously upset or whatever, I can't control how deep or serious the wounds may be.

I just wish there were some way to get my mom to understand that I don't like being put in the middle of her and my sister. She does it all the time though. I've tried talking to her, and writing her letters, but she doesn't seem to get it.

Thanks for the reply, also.


Emily

Hey Emily.

I'm not sure what I can suggest about the situation with your mother. Parents can be <i>really</i> difficult. I think it might be worth keeping trying to talk to her about stuff, maybe you'll get through eventually. Make it clear that you're not blaming her, you can understand why she does it, but that it really gets to you. I dunno, like I said, things with parents can be really hard. SOmetimes all you can do is repeat to yourself over and over that in x years you won't have ot live with them anymore and everything'll be easier.

Be careful with your cut, take care of it.