After
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 9:05 pm
have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
yeah, well enough.
what had happened just before?
I was trying to study, and couldn't concentrate. I think I got 15 minutes of studying done. Then I tried to take a nap and couldn't sleep...thoughts of SI in lots of forms kept coming and coming. I could stop some of them, but then another would come. My mind was skipping from one thing to another, nothing fitting together. And I know I need to study.
what were you thinking and feeling?
I was thinking that I have to concentrate. I have a huge test coming up, and I really need to do well. It is very important for my future. As far as feelings...I don't exactly know. I know I was edgy and tense. I had trouble being still. But feeling...I don't know.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it?
I tried my best distractor (sleep) and it failed. In fact, the time trying to sleep made the urges worse. And I can't waste all day trying to fight urges, I have to get studying done. So I quit trying and SIed.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.
Yesterday was bad (see previous Before post, if you are interested) but instead of being as numb as before, I got edgy and tense. And the pressure from the test is getting stronger. But I also think I have been feeling very lonely and like I have no resources this weekend. And pressure from all sides, lots of feelings I don't have the time and energy (or courage) to try to process. So I went numb yesterday, and in some ways I still am...but it is fading. I don't know what I could have done differently that would have made any difference. I know I could have delayed a little longer, but I don't think it would have stopped anything or solved anything. It might have made things worse, because I can't study when I am feeling like that, and not studying makes me very stressed out. I am feeling very trapped right now...like it doesn't matter what I do, SI is the only real way out, and delaying it is useless and wastes valuable time.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
I have been sleeping a lot recently, since I use it to cope. I don't think any of these really had an impact.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I tried sleeping, and it didn't work at all. The urges got worse and I was having all sorts of pictures of SI in my head. Sometimes my imagination is a very bad thing. I tried eating something, but it made me want to purge, so that didn't help.
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I could have delayed the urges the way I did yesterday, by playing computer or getting on BUS. However, they don't get my homework done and they don't take the urges away, so it didn't seem like a good solution.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I remember them. It is just whether they will really help or make things worse in the long run...
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
I still feel stressed out, edgy, and tense. I felt better for about an hour after SI, but I am not doing so well at concentrating again. So I am back in a very similar situation already. I have no idea how to resolve it, other than continue SIing every hour or two and hope I can concentrate.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Back there right now. Got on here because I am losing concentration again, clenching my teeth, can't sit still, etc.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
I will try...1 posting here. 2 um...sleep? 3. maybe sit outside for a few minutes and think about something else.
yeah, well enough.
what had happened just before?
I was trying to study, and couldn't concentrate. I think I got 15 minutes of studying done. Then I tried to take a nap and couldn't sleep...thoughts of SI in lots of forms kept coming and coming. I could stop some of them, but then another would come. My mind was skipping from one thing to another, nothing fitting together. And I know I need to study.
what were you thinking and feeling?
I was thinking that I have to concentrate. I have a huge test coming up, and I really need to do well. It is very important for my future. As far as feelings...I don't exactly know. I know I was edgy and tense. I had trouble being still. But feeling...I don't know.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it?
I tried my best distractor (sleep) and it failed. In fact, the time trying to sleep made the urges worse. And I can't waste all day trying to fight urges, I have to get studying done. So I quit trying and SIed.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.
Yesterday was bad (see previous Before post, if you are interested) but instead of being as numb as before, I got edgy and tense. And the pressure from the test is getting stronger. But I also think I have been feeling very lonely and like I have no resources this weekend. And pressure from all sides, lots of feelings I don't have the time and energy (or courage) to try to process. So I went numb yesterday, and in some ways I still am...but it is fading. I don't know what I could have done differently that would have made any difference. I know I could have delayed a little longer, but I don't think it would have stopped anything or solved anything. It might have made things worse, because I can't study when I am feeling like that, and not studying makes me very stressed out. I am feeling very trapped right now...like it doesn't matter what I do, SI is the only real way out, and delaying it is useless and wastes valuable time.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
I have been sleeping a lot recently, since I use it to cope. I don't think any of these really had an impact.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I tried sleeping, and it didn't work at all. The urges got worse and I was having all sorts of pictures of SI in my head. Sometimes my imagination is a very bad thing. I tried eating something, but it made me want to purge, so that didn't help.
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I could have delayed the urges the way I did yesterday, by playing computer or getting on BUS. However, they don't get my homework done and they don't take the urges away, so it didn't seem like a good solution.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I remember them. It is just whether they will really help or make things worse in the long run...
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
I still feel stressed out, edgy, and tense. I felt better for about an hour after SI, but I am not doing so well at concentrating again. So I am back in a very similar situation already. I have no idea how to resolve it, other than continue SIing every hour or two and hope I can concentrate.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Back there right now. Got on here because I am losing concentration again, clenching my teeth, can't sit still, etc.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
I will try...1 posting here. 2 um...sleep? 3. maybe sit outside for a few minutes and think about something else.
it's like taking a kid to a candy store. & every time you take the kid to the store & the kid screams you give them candy. then one day you decide they're not going to get candy so they scream louder & longer... if you hold on long enough they'll eventually stop... but it'll take awhile. if you give in & give them the candy then the next time you decide to not give them the candy they'll scream even more loudly & even longer. every time you give in reinforces the screaming.