bus

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
Well, the situation wont change at all, but the feeling will, I suppose

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Well, it will make me feel better because I punished myself for doing something so repulsive, I hate myself for it.. It will take away the fact that I havent done it in...a month.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
Well, I dont know how I want to feel about this, but I know I will hate the scars it leaves later, and the fact that I already have to cover scars that are noticable, but fresh cuts are worse. Umm, feeling what way? Feeling bad right now, it probably will get me farther away from feeling bad, but closer to feeling the way about the scars..

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It will probably last until...tomorrow morning? But I wont go back feeling the way I do right now, or at least not for the same reason. Then, I will probably just scold myself for a long time, even when I see the scars it leaves, and possibly do it again...(I am such a moron that way)

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could...answer these questions which i am doing right now. um, it will make me think about my situation that I am in, but that may not be what I should be doing, I should probably not be thinking about it all. I dont know what I will do then.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will feel repulsed with myself tomorrow if I cut. And if I just answer the questions and not cut...I dont know how I will feel, since I havent done this before.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
What I really want to do right now? I want to be able to run away from myself, leave me behind and never speak to me again. But that is not physically possible, or I would have done it already. Best honor it? Well, not do it, I guess, but, I dunno..

Well, the situation wont change at all, but the feeling will, I suppose
--*nods* hurting yourself isn't going to change the situation. emotions are a natural & inherent part of life... how can you deal with the emotions... & experience the emotions... rather than hurt yourself & avoid them?

from what you've said it sounds like you're feeling guilty... &/or angry with yourself. how do you think other people deal with those feelings?

I know I will hate the scars it leaves later
--one reason to not

have you checked the list of distractions on the coping board?
what are some things you can do right now other than si?

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I was super mean, a b**** to this girl on a forum place, when I really shouldnt have been. She really wasnt even talking to me. And I was being snotty and stuff. Then I read what I wrote, and felt so horrified with myself that I said I was sorry, I had a bad day, was taking it out on her and then I left before I could see her response.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I havent been here before. I dont normally do that kind of stuff. I am usually nice... or a push over even, but for some reason I just...blew up.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I have posted here, and on my livejournal, but thats it. I could try laying down, but I will only think of it more, I guess I need a distraction..

How do I feel right now?
I said it before, but I guess I will again. I feel like I just want to run away from myself, out of me, and never speak to myself again. I am disgusted with myself. I hate myself, esstailly (spelling?) I know this seems like such a stupid thing to be so upset about, but this is so out of character, I dont do this... And I was just so...snobbish, and mean...for now reason at all!

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
I will feel like I am giving myself just punishment, maybe I wont do it again. Or maybe I will just forget about it and be lost in what i am doing.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I will feel like a loser, I guess for doing it. I hate the fresh cuts, feeling ashamed of what I have done because the rest of society doesnt look apon it as something that is ok. I hate the scars I know it will leave, and there for I will constantly be hiding my arm... That is how I will feel/think

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I can avoid it, I suppose, but that means getting off the net completely, and this could happen to anyone I know, I guess, so maybe not. But I can deal with it better, hopefully just by not doing it ever again

Do I need to hurt myself?
...Need, no, want, desparately

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i think... i'd ask what you can do to deal with times when you feel bitchy... or end up doing/saying something hurtful... those times happen.
it sounds like you did what you could in the situation. you realized you'd done something hurtful... & you apologized. as much as sometimes we'd like to we cannot go back in time & change our actions.

I will only think of it more, I guess I need a distraction..
sometimes for me it helps to have a variety of things... eg. pet cats or something else fuzzy, run, watch a movie, tear up paper, do the dishes, take a shower, listen to music, go to the library...

if someone else had acted as you did... what would your response to them be? when someone else does something hurtful?

plantt wrote:Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i think... i'd ask what you can do to deal with times when you feel bitchy... or end up doing/saying something hurtful... those times happen.
it sounds like you did what you could in the situation. you realized you'd done something hurtful... & you apologized. as much as sometimes we'd like to we cannot go back in time & change our actions. I know I cant go back in time, but I sure with I could.

I will only think of it more, I guess I need a distraction..
sometimes for me it helps to have a variety of things... eg. pet cats or something else fuzzy, run, watch a movie, tear up paper, do the dishes, take a shower, listen to music, go to the library... I like cats..but I dont have any... I am listening to music now, but my mom will only let me listen to her songs...I could go take a shower though..

if someone else had acted as you did... what would your response to them be? when someone else does something hurtful? I guess I would tell them that is ok, its only online, and that they will never meet the person again and just try not to do it again. but I never really say that out of something I believe in myself, just hope that it is comforting to them at the time and that they will be ok, I dont think that that would help me much right now though

Thank you plantt, you have helped me a lot..

eg. pet cats or something else fuzzy, run, watch a movie, tear up paper, do the dishes, take a shower, listen to music, go to the library... I like cats..but I dont have any... I am listening to music now, but my mom will only let me listen to her songs...I could go take a shower though..
--those weren't meant as a comprehensive list of distractions... that was a start towards coming up with ideas for yourself i know not everyone has cats poor people

I know I cant go back in time, but I sure with I could.
--sometimes it seems like it'd be a really nice idea huh

hang in there. you can get through this

--those weren't meant as a comprehensive list of distractions... that was a start towards coming up with ideas for yourself i know not everyone has cats poor people

I know that those were just some suggestions, but I think the shower will help. And I might be getting a cat soon...I hope


--sometimes it seems like it'd be a really nice idea huh

It does sound like a nice idea. I think about it a lot sometimes, along with other things I daydream about constantly

hang in there. you can get through this

Thanks, I am going to do my best

Well, its been almost a full day since what happened yesterday...and I still feel really bad about it. I still want to cut. I thought that if I waited a day, it would be better, why is it that I still feel like I did yesterday? I am so confused...

urges can take awhile to go away. the more we get reinforced for acting in a certain way the more we'll want to continue to act in that way... the more difficult it is to stop. which is also a really good reason to *not* si.. because it'll just make it more difficult the next time around to not.

Yea, I guess that makes sense. Its just, its never been this strong before, and it has been almost a month... Grr, this is frustrating....Well, thank you plantt. I'll try hard not to

go for a run if you can't go outside then run in place. make play-dough there are recipes for it somewhere on the coping board i think... if not & you want i'll pm ya the recipes

Lol. Thank you, but my grandma is coming to pick me up soon to take me to her house. I have swim practice in the morning, so I have to sleep over at her house. But I am listening to music, which I hope calms me down, it usually helps. I will look up the playdough reciepes, to see if maybe I can make it if I have the stuff and the time. That is a good idea. thank you.

is good what are you going to do at your grandmas?

Ummm, probably going to have to listen to her talk on and on about pointless stuff, the random lecture about nothing i have done, Umm, how glad she is that I am here and can help her clean her house.... I dont always exactly like my grandma, its better now that we dont live together, but I did for a long time. When I first started SIing actually, I was living with her and my grandpa and mom. Sorry, that was long, and probably un neccesary...lol sorry

can make it a lot more difficult when you're living constantly with someone than just going to visit

Yea, I think that is why its not so bad between us right now. But she is here so I have to get going. Thanks for talking to me, and giving me ideas on what to do to keep my mind off this. I'll be back on tomorrow. Thanks again, bye byes

bye