bus

If you're looking for a reason not to si, there are so so many. It only really works if the reason comes from you though. <i>My</i> reasons not to si might mean nothing for you. I think my main reason is that si'ing doesn't fix anything. It just makes the problem go away for a while without actually solving anything.

Do you think it would help you to answer the 'before' questions (in a sticky at the top of the forum)? It can be really helpful to look at the urge and what's causing it, to work through it and fix what's making you want to si.

I'm sorry you're in a bad place. Hang in there, you can get through this.