bus

Sorry if this doesn't make sense.... I can't think very clearly right now....

write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
Nothing has nessecarily happened that would make my want to hurt myself, but I really, really want to right now..... It's like I need to do it because I deserve to feel the pain or I deserve to be hurt.... like I asked for the abuse that happened to me, even though, intellectually, I know I didn't ask for it and I don't deserve it....


how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
Everything will go away.... all the *deserve's* and the *need's* will disappear, and life will be normal for the next few days at least....

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring pain and hurt, but it will bring and end to the feelings I am having right now....
It will take away the strength that I have gathered to fight it....

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel that I did the right thing and that I am stronger than the urge.... Hurting myself will get me farther from feeling this way.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
The relief will probably last a couple of days at the most.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could go outside and write in my journal, but I am having a hard time putting words together. I could go draw or punch my pillow or throw a ball against the wall in the backyard. I don't think that it will change the situation I'm in. I don't see an end to this situation other than hurting myself.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Tomorrow, I will feel like a failure and a weakling. I will feel like I gave in too soon if I hurt myself.... If I do one of the other things, I will feel stronger, like I can beat this....

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
Right now, I *really* want to hurt myself, no questions asked. I can best honor the instinct that causes me to want to hurt myself so bad by fighting that urge and fighting the need to hurt myself right now.


Hope that make sense
Emily

I don't think that it will change the situation I'm in. I don't see an end to this situation other than hurting myself.

just to make sure i'm reading this correctly... by 'situation' you're meaning the emotions that you're feeling right now?

Everything will go away.... all the *deserve's* and the *need's* will disappear, and life will be normal for the next few days at least....

intellectually, I know I didn't ask for it and I don't deserve it....

intellectually you realize that how you're thinking... in terms of the 'deserves' & 'needs' isn't accurate. that's good keep challenging those thoughts... remind yourself that you didn't ask for it. you don't need to hurt yourself.

It will bring pain and hurt, but it will bring and end to the feelings I am having right now....

*nods* feelings can hurt. more than physical hurts can sometimes. feelings are natural things... part of being alive. how could you deal with these painful feelings without hurting yourself?

that I am stronger than the urge.... Hurting myself will get me farther from feeling this way.

*nods*

i think... 'ending the situation'... is one way to look at things... sometimes with urges... it can be helpful to see it more as 'getting through without hurting yourself'... 'ending' in my mind seems more instant & easy... getting through urges can be anything but.

Right now, I *really* want to hurt myself, no questions asked. I can best honor the instinct that causes me to want to hurt myself so bad by fighting that urge and fighting the need to hurt myself right now.

*nods* i can tell that you really have a strong urge right now. that's hard & it hurts. you can get through this...

I could go outside and write in my journal, but I am having a hard time putting words together. I could go draw or punch my pillow or throw a ball against the wall in the backyard.

those will at least get rid of some time... if writing isn't going so well maybe use the other two ideas first...

hang in there

By situation, I did mean the feeling, that's right.

Thanks for the feedback....

I'm going outside now.


Emily

hope it helps a bit...