bus

have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
yes I have...... I cut last night, and am just now able to get the words together enough for a post.

what had happened just before?
I ran into the guy that abused me yesterday and cut several hours later. (It was an abusive relationship with SA involved.) He talked to me like nothing happened and even asked me out to a movie.

what were you thinking and feeling?
All I could think was I need to cut or I need to talk to my T. I cut last night, before I was able to get ahold of my T, and I saw my T this morning.

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it?
I got home and no one was here to stop me. My mom was out and if she is here, I normally don't do anything.

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.
I could have tried getting ahold of my T before I cut instead of after, but I was on a one track mind. I would have cut at the store if I had had a tool.

were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
Been off my meds, lack of sleep...... planning on addressing those next week when I see my pdoc.

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I came to BUS before I cut, but I couldn't form any words for a before post or a post on the main board. Didn't try anything else, jsut came home and cut.

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
coming to bus and actually posting, talking to my T, stuff like that......

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
- call my T before I get home and wait for him to respond before I go home.
- avoid going to where there are tools until the urge has subsided

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
It is resolved as best can be. There really is no way to prevent it from happening again right now. I just have to be ready in case it happens, and be prepared.

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
don't know........ emotionally........ flashbacks, dissociation, etc.

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
- Call T.
- Post on BUS.
- Call a friend, if I can't get ahold of T.


Emily

hello

i notice that the coping alternatives you've come up with all involve putting words to things.
you also mention that you tried coming to BUS before you cut & that you were unable to put things into words.

how could you cope when you're unable to put the experience into words? what could you do when you feel unable to post on BUS... if you were unable to get ahold of T or a friend...?

sometimes it's helpful to have a variety of ways to cope...

you say that it 'was' an abusive relationship... so i'm assuming it's past? what could you do to deal more effectively with that individual... assuming that you cannot/don't want to avoid him?

The relationship is in the past. This was the first time that I saw him since the relationship ended. I just freaked out, cuz I didn't know what to make out of it. My T told me that I did everything that I could given the situation. When the guy asked me to a movie, I outright said no, no if's, and's, or but's.... If I can't avoid him, which is a major fear of mine, I could drive to the police station or fire station, both of which are close to my home.

As for other coping mechanisims, I could try drawing something or yelling/hitting one of my pillows, or even getting my baseball or tennis ball and throwing it around the backyard. Are any of those better? I'm not so good at coming up with other stuff to do......


Emily

*nods* i can understand that it'd be upsetting to run into that guy.
i think your ideas of driving to the police station or fire station are good ones.

drawing something or yelling/hitting one of my pillows, or even getting my baseball or tennis ball and throwing it around the backyard

good
i don't know that they're 'better'... just different my point was that at times wording things is difficult... & it can help to have ways to cope when words aren't coming together too well... a way to make it safely through things until you're able to put things to words

They're good ideas only if they help you, which only you can know. They sound well worth trying though

thanks

Em