bus

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I woke up depressed. i don't know why. it's like i'm bein punished for havin a gud day yesterday. i feel out of control. if i hurt myself i will be more in control.


Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I wake up feelin depressed nearly everyday so yeah ive been here before. the depression usually build up for a week or so and then i cut myself. i feel released then. for a little while anyway.


What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
i posted in my place. i cud write in my diary or e-mail a friend.


How do I feel right now?
depressed. lonely. worthless. ugly. fat. sad. broken.


How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
released. in control.


How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
i will probably be in pain. probably will have bandages on my arm. i'll be worried that someone will see but most of all i'll feel guilty for givin in again.


Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i can try not get so worked up ova the little things but if i keep wakin up depressed there's nothin i can do about it.

Have you tried listeing to music that makes you feel good when you wake up?

Is there anything that you can do first thing in the morning that will ease some of the early morning depression?

i don't know what to do. it feels as if i've tried evrything. i've tried music but it just depresses me more. guitar just annoys me. talkin to someone makes it so much worse. i just don't know that i can do.

why does the music depress you more?

For me, I have found that taking a nice hot shower helps when I am feeling extra stressed or depressed.
Have you tired that?

DO you have nightmares that could be contributing to the morning depression?

Do you like art?
Have you tried to draw or color or paint?
Nothing specific. Just to get some emotions out on paper

When i hear people singin about luv and happiness it makes me sad because i haven't been properly happy in so long. and angry songs make me angry at myself tho im not sure why.

i don't have nightmares but i only get on average two hours of sleep a night.

im not really artistic. i used to write poetry and stories but i got bored with it. i drew a picture of myself the other day but it was so life like that i couldnt stand to look at it because i hate myself so much. so i ripped it up and threw it away.

The minimal amount os sleep can be a major contributing factor to the depression.
Why do you only get a couple hrs of sleep?
Can you take something to help you sleep?


I have found that scribbling iwht colors that represent the emotions can be helpful
I have problems sometimes identifying emotions btu I can usually find a color that represents the feeling and sometimes just scribbling or whatever with those colors helps relieve some of the tension. It doesn't take it all away but it is better than nothing

I worry about everything in my life.
my weight, my depression, my friends, everything.
and that usually gets me upset and i cry fot hours till i finally sleep for two hours or so.
i could take sleein tablets but i'd probably end up relyin om them and my parents don't have a clue about my depression so i can't get them from them.

i'll take ur advice about the colours.
i have to get offline now.

thank u for ur help.
i needed advice

luv and hugs
ash
xxx

it's good that you're doing things to help b4 u SI. try taking a warm bubble bath or curling up naked in ur covers. it always makes me feel better when i'm feeling sad...

((((((((((((((((((HUGGLES))))))))))))))))
Love,
Ellen