after
Posted: Sat Mar 05, 2005 3:39 am
have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. yeah, for the most part. they won't stop bleeding though
what had happened just before? i wrote in my journal, i drank 4 beers, i listened to tori amos.
what were you thinking and feeling? very depressed. very discouraged. having flashbacks. disgusted with myself. feel like a freak. feel like i'm broken.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it? just needed it to end quick. this is the fastest way i know. i don't think
there was an event that was the final straw. if there was, it was the fact that i wrote in my journal, snapped my elastic and did breathing exercises, and coulnd't bring myself back.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw. i could have made a different decision at any point. i could have drank tea instead of beer. i could have watched a movie instead of listening to tori amos. i could have called my t instead of picking up my razor.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how? alcohol is my downfall. i think i may have inherited the alchoholic gene in my family. lack of sleep, definitely, even on my meds i have terrible nightmares. i suppose i could try working on my drinking problem more in therapy.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work? writing in my journal. didn't work at all, just got more triggered. snapped my elastic. didn't work, just made me want to cut more. breathing exercises. didn't work, maybe i just don't know how to do it right. my tdoc can always help me when i feel this way, but i can't seem to get to that point by myself. where i can completely exhale, you know?
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they? definitley should have called my tdoc. she hasn't failed to help me yet. now i feel like i let her down.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again. keep my elastic around my wrist. it helps me think of my t, because she gave it to me.
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution? nothing is resolved. i don't even feel any better. it wil probably never be resolved. the only thing i can do is stay in therapy and keep taking my meds.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation? i sure am. i'll have to pay attention to when i start craving hte alcohol, and getting urgy. then call my tdoc and help curb the urges.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying. try breathing exercises.
distract myself with a movie, my piano, or something like that.
call my tdoc.