bus

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Hi greenstarz - I don't know the situation with your dad, but I don't think there is any "right" or "wrong" way to feel. It is understandable that you want him to love you and it can be very hard to feel angry at a parent.

I have found it to be helpful to just start writing about how I am feeling. Sometimes I write in my place here on BUS and sometimes, it's just for me. It can help bring relief from my tension and it's not just whining. It's how I feel at the time and it helps to identify those feelings.

Take gentle care.
Susie

You mentioned that if you SI tonight, you will have a friend with you. If you consider cutting or self-injuring a friend - describe the relationship you have with it. It is a one sided relationship or a two sided? Your razorblade gives you cuts, but what you do give you razorblade? Is this a healthy type of relationship?

I am asking these questions because I used to describe my blade as my best friend. My REAL best friend then asked me these same questions and I did not know how to respond, but they made me really think of the relationship I have with my SI.

beachgirl: youre right, writing does help. but even at my place here on bus, i feel like im not allowed to post all this negative stuff that i feel. i dont want to be a pessimist all the time. i feel like its not ok for me to be negative all teh time. but i guess if those are my feelings, then its ok to feel them or at least thats what t would say.. just dont want to wallow in them is all. thanks for your reply, it helped knowing that someone was listening.

onlypurples: i have never thought of asking myself those questions. they are good questions, i have to think about them. i guess in reallity i give the blade a lot of control over me. i guess its like an abusive relationship. i never thought of it that way. thanks for asking those questions. it really helps.

thank you both for replying, like i said, it helped to have people who care. real friends.

My best friend really deserves the credit for showing me how my "blades" cannot be "my new best friend". We had an open and long conversation about it this past fall when things got really intense...

I like the way you stated that if it is any type of relationship, it is an abusive one. That makes total sense and it gave me insight.

*hugs*