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This is the first time I've tried this. So, here goes...


Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point? I am feeling lost, anxious, unneeded, unloved. I told my t about my SI earlier this week. I'm changing one of my meds, which has caused more anxiety. I've been having a problem with my son, which always upsets me.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I have felt like this before; I took Klonopin to take away the anxiety. But, I have things that I must do tomorrow and it always leaves me groggy.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've tried to distract myself playing games and watching TV. I'm answering these questions. I could go to bed, but I don't think I can sleep and that's always worse. I lie awake in the dark and my mind won't stop thinking and the urges get worse.


How do I feel right now?
I feel shaky and can't breathe.

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
I will feel relieved and sort of mesmerized by it all.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Immediately, I will feel relieved and sleepy. Tomorrow, I wll feel guilty and like I should call my t to tell him.

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I hope I can; I really need to learn a better way. I don't think the stressors can be avoided and I want to learn how to deal with them without always resorting to tranquilizers.

Do I need to hurt myself?
No, I don't NEED to hurt myself. But, I'm not sure I can withstand WANTING to hurt myself much longer.

Going to give myself a bit more time and see how I feel.
Susie

Hey. I'm new to this, too, and posted a Before post not long ago. Well, I hope that you are doing better. I thought maybe I'd give a couple of suggestions that maybe would work. It sounds silly, but sometimes coloring something can be helpful--keeps the mind and hands occupied. Another suggestion could be to read (that was one that was given to me). If you have any favorite books, maybe pull them out and read some good parts.

I hope that everything works out with your meds and you get less anxious. I remember going through that (having tons of anxiety), and it was so hard to handle. Have you told your t about the increase?

eatredapples wrote:Hey. I'm new to this, too, and posted a Before post not long ago. Well, I hope that you are doing better. I thought maybe I'd give a couple of suggestions that maybe would work. It sounds silly, but sometimes coloring something can be helpful--keeps the mind and hands occupied. Another suggestion could be to read (that was one that was given to me). If you have any favorite books, maybe pull them out and read some good parts.

I hope that everything works out with your meds and you get less anxious. I remember going through that (having tons of anxiety), and it was so hard to handle. Have you told your t about the increase?

Thanks, Apples. I hadn't thought of coloring; I love to do that and it could be a good distraction. Things feel a bit better right now because the sun is up (why are nights so hard?), but I don't feel like I am past this yet.

I have mentioned the increased anxiety to my pdoc, and I have some tranquilizers, but sometimes they make me too sleepy. I think I just have to work my way through this one!

Susie

Susie, I like the coloring idea -- you could even color your beach place!

I've found that when I can make myself exercise (not always successful there) I never SI afterwards. I have anxiety issues too. Exercise goes a long way toward working that out of the system.

I'm glad you posted here. I found it helped in the past when I've posted. Something else that has helped in the past is "riding the wave". Thinking of the urges as a big wave that gets bigger and bigger and than goes down quickly. It's easy for me to think it will keep building forever, but it doesn't. In the mean time distract and get support. This has worked for me when I've done it. Past couple times I haven't done it and well, ended up misbehaving, so I'm very proud of you!

Hugs,
Wendy