my first before.... (blushes)

[silenceBROKEN]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

hurting myself will take away the pain for a little. it will distract me. bring the relief i need.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

it will bring a distraction. it will take away the emotional pain. it will almost bring guilt and failure.


how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

i don't know how i want to feel. i don' know what i want to feel. hurting myself doesn't get me anywhere.


if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

the relief wll last for 10 minutes or so. the pain will last longer. after that, i'll clean my wounds and cry over what i've done for an hour if not more after. i'll feel bad for days.


what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

i could go and call a friend. it will distract me. the change will last as long as our conversation lasts, and after that i can force myself to be in the company of my family.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

i will feel guilty if i SI. i will feel stronger if i call a friend/ distract myself.


I'M NOT GOING TO SI! I CAN DO THIS! RWAR!

[nirvana]

you sound very determined not to si, and i'm so proud of you for that! just questions to think about...

1. what made you feel triggered/upset/hurt?
2. if the relief will only last 10 minutes, will it balance out the guilt you'll feel afterwards? will si'ing now be worth it later?
3. you are strong. even if you don't call a friend. you proved to yourself that you're debating si'ing, because you posted here. i hope you find a way to distract yourself even more.

i'm here if you want to talk. good luck.
love, tara.

[silenceBROKEN]

Tara,

what made you feel triggered/upset/hurt?

the fact that i might be put in foster care, my dad is cheatingon my mom, my parents might get a divorce, i blame myself for all of it, my grades are slowly slipping, and i'm sick. it's all overwhelming, and out of my control. i use SI because i like to be in control.



if the relief will only last 10 minutes, will it balance out the guilt you'll feel afterwards? will si'ing now be worth it later?

emotionally, those 10 minutres would be complete bliss, but in the long run, no it would not be worth it.


you are strong. even if you don't call a friend. you proved to yourself that you're debating si'ing, because you posted here. i hope you find a way to distract yourself even more.

thank you.