bus

I am new to this forum so please bear with me if I make a few mistakes.

The situation: My mom is treating me like I am a sick child because I was IP for 8 days. She seems to think that watcing over me 24 hrs a day will make things better. I feel like hurting myself because of the way that she is behaving. It makes me feel like I can't take care of myself.


how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
It won't change if I hurt myself. Hurting myself would only make my situation worse.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
If I hurt myself, I would be able to think better and find a way to make my mom see what she is doing to me. But hurting myself would also give her more amunition. It would prove that she is right and the I can't take care of myself.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel like I can take care of myself, and be self sufficient in the long run. I also want to quit hurting myself, so doing it would go against what I want in the long run. Hurting myself would bet me farther from what I want.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
The relief would only last a couple days at the most. After that amount of time, I will be facing the same problem with the same choices, whether or not to hurt myself. I would have to make the same decision that I am fighting to make now.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I could journal, draw, write some poetry, but above all else, avoid my mom. It would help the situation for a while, but not forever. It would get me out of the immediate situation. Hopefully, if it lasts long enough, she will stop babying me.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
If I hurt myself, I would hate myself in the morning. I would feel better about myself if I am able to fight the urges and make it through the day.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I don't want to hurt myself. I haven't done anything in 11 days and I don't want to ruin that. This is the longest that I have gone in a while. If I can protect myself from me right now, I will feel better about myself in the morning.


Hope I did that right..... please feel free to comment or give advice. Hugs are welcome too.

Emily

Firstly (((((((((hugs))))))))), well done for posting - you did fine!

If I hurt myself, I would be able to think better and find a way to make my mom see what she is doing to me

Are you sure about this? Is there something else you can do to help yourself think clearer? You mentioned journalling - might this be a better way to help yourself think about things?

I could journal, draw, write some poetry, but above all else, avoid my mom. It would help the situation for a while, but not forever. It would get me out of the immediate situation. Hopefully, if it lasts long enough, she will stop babying me.

It might not change the situation, but it would give you some time to get stronger. If I were you, do everything you can to reduce the stress on you - ie do avoid your mum as much as possible. The less stress you're under now, the more likely it is you'll manage not to SI

I haven't done anything in 11 days and I don't want to ruin that

Well done! That's brilliant! Perhaps focussing on how well you've done so far might help you keep going. However, if you do slip up, don't be hard on yourself - it happens to everyone.

I hope you made it through the night. Sorry I can't think of anything revolutionary to say, but I'm thinking of you!

Take care

Andi

hey there... i'm late to this thread, sorry, but i have comments.

scarlit_sky wrote:what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
If I hurt myself, I would be able to think better and find a way to make my mom see what she is doing to me. But hurting myself would also give her more amunition. It would prove that she is right and the I can't take care of myself.

from what i understand, you want to regain your mother's trust, and be treated more fairly. i can understand your mother's feelings about this; what mother wouldn't worry? i'm sure she has the best intentions, but she's just not going about this the right way. is there any way you could talk to her about the situation?

scarlit_sky wrote: if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
The relief would only last a couple days at the most. After that amount of time, I will be facing the same problem with the same choices, whether or not to hurt myself. I would have to make the same decision that I am fighting to make now.

will hurting yourself now be worth it?



hope you're okay. i'm here if you need me.
love, tara.

My mom and I have been getting along alot better lately. She still annoys me, by having me do everything around the house, but we have been getting along better because most of the conversation we have is through notes on the counter.

Thinking clearer - I have recently found journaling helps me think, because I can put down every possible idea and compare them, and choose the best one. I also found that starting this thread helped me think things through and allowed me to see things clearly.

Focus on days - I do focus on my days SI free alot. It helps me to see that I can go without SI and that life is better the longer I go, although the urges get worse the longer I go.

Mother's trust - I want to regain her trust, but everytime I go to the hospital, which to me is being mature and facing my problems, she sees it as weakness and treats me like a child again. I wish I could show her how I see things, but she is stubborn and we don't talk much because we start getting on eachother's nerves the more that we talk.

Worth it? - Hurting myself has never been worth it. But it has been the only way I was able to deal with my thoughts and feelings. Hurting myself now would not be worth it because I have gone roughly two weeks without hurting myself in any way.

~Emily