bus

I cut last night.
It was alot.
I think I did it becuase it was all built up from the last couple of days when i wasn't able to cut. I could have found some object to cut with, but really did want to be bothered. Then their was all the light colored clothes that blood stains would show through. So that is whay I cut last night.
I guess could have tryed to destract myself, but I knew nothing works so I figured why botehr trying. I guess that is a poor attitude to have. It could be because no matter how much i want to stop, I don't want to stop. That could be why when thing work fo a while to destract me and then stop working. It's that part of me losing.
Maybe i really have to set my mind on something. Cause i'm never sure what I want.

Lyndsie
~Thanks for reading~

Lyndsie wrote:I cut last night.
It was alot.
I think I did it becuase it was all built up from the last couple of days when i wasn't able to cut.

What built up?
Why did the events lead to you cutting yourself?

Lyndsie wrote: but I knew nothing works so I figured why botehr trying

You're right when you say that's a bad attitude. Maybe you should look at t as nothing you've tried so far has worked.....
incidently, what have you tried in the past that hasnt worked?
xxxtcxxx

The days bulit up. The hours without cutting. Or maybe the pain, saddness the people around me fed to me. I guess it was something or alot of things from the past few days.

writing -poem, stoires
drawing -painting
reading
t.v. -movies
music - songs
(it all leads back to blood, or in mind it relates to it in soem way!)

Basicly things like that. Sometimes they work, but then it some how leads to cutting still, after a while. Theirs other times when none of that even slows down the need to cut, not even for a minute.
Could it be I excpect too much of these things? i wonder if that could be the problem? What wirks for one person won't work for the rest?

can u try to do something with your hands instead. Like, i shuffle cards for hours at a time if needs be. or maybe u could get into scuplture of some kind. using clay.....something like that?
maybe if u can find exactly HOW it relates back to cutting....you could be sure with the next thing, to choose something that doesnt have the possibilty of relating back to cutting. I mean, my drawings n poems relate back to SI, but that helps me in a way, cos it gets my emotions out.
you're right...to an extent...what works for one person, may not necessarily work for another. But its not it wont work for ANYONE else.
i dont think its right too think so much of these other ways...but maybe, its expected that u would think as much of them as u do of cutting...as in it will always work, seen as it is meant to be a sub for SI....hmmm, just what i think
xxxtcxxx

oh my gosh shuffling cards sounds fun! I can be so easily amused by things! LOL I just got these pink playing cards, their assome! , their PINK! Next time i need to cut i will remember to try that! thank you so much for the idea ALice!

Lyndsie,

Sounds more like a discouraged attitude than a bad one. I've been in that place too, when I didn't want to be stopped. There still is a part that wants to quit or you wouldn't be posting here. The best defense I've found for me is prevention. Getting the needs me, feelings validated, etc before they build up and overwhelm me and I don't want to do anything but cut. Is there anything you could do now, before you're in that spot again to starting getting support? If you don't have T and that's a possibility, it sure can be helpful.

Hugs,
Wendy

ya i guess your right.

ya i guess your right.