13 WEEKS!!! (i need help....PLEASE)

[broken_words]

It's been 13 weeks since the last time I cut...good right? Well no so good when i can't relieve me pain...well it seems like i can't. I don't know what to do honestly. I mean...i have soooooooooo much crap going on...with *ed* and stuff. Now i'm limiting what I eat...and taking diet pills...staying up late on school nights to work out to loose wieght. I know i'm not fat...but compared to what i used to be i am ... you know?? I got down to X pounds and i was a in 10th grade!!!!!!!!!!! Now i'm in 11th and now i'm heavier than that....i can't say what weight ...but more. My mom won't even hug my anymore b/c of *si* and *ed* she thinks i'm stupid and it hurts soooooooo bad that my own mother would do that. I've never met my real dad so i only have my step dad...who doesn't know that i *si* (used to) and have a *ed*....i'm really ready to give up.....can anyone help me?

*weight edited by jomomma*

[Wendy]

Hey Broken Words,

Sounds like you're really hurting -- I'm so sorry. It's especially hard when mom's can deal with our pain. I've learned that that is usually because there is pain of their own they've never dealt with and I can tell first hand as a parent myself, that there is no pain as bad as seeing your chilcren suffering.

I'm glad you know you're not fat. It's okay to weight more in 10th grade then in 9th. Your body is still maturing and filling out.

Is there anyone in your life outside the BUS who knows about your SI'ing and ED? I've found it really helps to have in real life support as well as support here. Do you have a school counselor you could talk to, a pastor/rabbi, or friend. I know not everybody understand,but there are people who do and can help. There are even support groups that are free that could help like ED Annoymous (they tend to deal with SI issues too). Finding understand people who are available to listen and give a hug can really help.

Take gentle care of yourself.

Hugs,
Wendy