Before...a very bad before...

[Tsiya Ageyutsa]

# Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I just found out that someone has stolen my identity, and because of it, my new job that I need desperately is in serious jeopardy, and no one (not even the police department) who can help me in any form or fashion is available.

# Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I have never been here before.

# What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I have screamed and cried and yelled at the SAPD's automated answer machine and hugged my puppy and posted in my journal and NOTHING'S WORKING! I can't think of any other ways to calm myself down because none of my friends are online, my mother is convinced that this is my fault, my best friend is at work, and my grandmother says there's nothing we can do until Monday.

# How do I feel right now?
I feel angry and depressed and betrayed and violated and alone.

# How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
I will feel better because I can focus on the physical pain and delay the mental pain for a time

# How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I will feel worse because I'm trying to stop and I'll feel like a faliure. It won't make the lady in Oklahoma die a slow and painful death like I want her to. It won't make the police answer their phones.

# Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I HOPE I can avoid it, but it will probably follow me the rest of my life

# Do I need to hurt myself?
I feel like I do. I really do. But it won't help anything.

[amethyst]

*sends calm thoughts your way*

I hope that you were able to get through things safely. It is awful when, just as we are trying to make difficult changes in our lives, something happens to make that change even more difficult or complicated. I am sorry that you were feeling like you didn't have a support system last night. I hope that writing things out helped relieve at least a little of the stress.

I guess my question would be, if you are still feeling the same when you read this, is there really nothing that you can do until Monday? I understand that the filing of a complaint oficially might have to wait. I recently had to do something locally with the police here, though, and, though the "official" stuff had to wait through the weekend, I called the local PD (where I was going to file the report and complaint on Monday) and they were able to talk me thorugh most of what I needed to do to prepare for Monday (so that monday was a little less stressful). I'm wondering if, possible, you could call your local PD (and your credit card companies, or whoever else was involved who might have weekend customer service people around) and at least try to get things started a little. Maybe it won't help. I guess I was just thinking that having some feeling of control over the situation which has taken away control from you might make you feel a little safer. just a thought.

I hope that this is resolved and that you are able to get thre job you are wanting.

be gentle with yourslef.
amanda