bus

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself?
Because I feel like a stupid, dumbass slut for going out with another guy after I had a fight with Dan before I went on vacation to Kentucky.

What has brought me to this point?
Dan yelled at me for going with some guy even though me and Dan went on a break since we fought really badly before I left for vacation and I just blame myself. And not to mention hate myself so badly.

Have I been here before?
Where my cutting urges have returned... yes. Felt like a slut - no.

What did I do to deal with it?
Well I read a book and listened to a lot of angry music. And screamed. That REALLY worked well.

How did I feel then?
Relieved.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far?
Surf around Bus and listen to country music.

What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Scream and cry and write.

How do I feel right now?
like a slut

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Happy. Like a bubble of stress was popped.

How will I feel after hurting myself?
Guilty and that leads to more cutting.

How will I feel tomorrow morning?
See above answer.

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Not really because this is something that I feel deep down. I just can't convince myself what everyone else has told me. I am not a slut... I just can't believe it.

Do I need to hurt myself?
No but I want to...[/b]

You keep saying you feel like a slut. What does a slut feel like? Slut is not an emotion. So are you sad, are you angry at yourself, are you upset, frustrated, overwhelmed? What are you feeling?

I'm glad you have found so many healthy ways of releasing your feelings.

take care,
JoAnna

I feel angry at myself for going with some guy in Kentucky and for fighting with Dan... I love Dan and now someone found out about my little fling in kentucky and called me a slutting whore. I'm just so angry for myself. I feel guilty too... I think this whole thing is my fault... I'm so stupid. Stupid slut. Stupid slut.

*sorry if I'm annoying people with my self hate*

xXx Charm xXx

Hi There,

I don't feel annoyed when you call yourself a slut, but it must really hurt to be on the receiving end of that like you are. I found that for myself, when I practice saying nice things about myself (even though they felt real fake) over time, my feelings would slowly change. When I was beating myself up, it wasn't safe enough for me to change. I just hunkered down in my little ball and stayed put. I needed some safety to change and to do that I had to stop mentally and verbally beating myself up. I hope you can ease up on yourself. We all make mistakes.

Wendy

*smiels* Thank you Wendy. I'll try to ease up... It's just hard to break this habit I've had. I'm kinda a perfectionist so I beat up on myself for something I do wrong. I've always been like that. But I'll try to ease up.

xXx Charm xXx

I'm familiar with the perfectionist thing -- spent the first 3/4ths of my life doing that. That's how come I know how much it hurts. It is possible to move past it, but it takes time and a lot of practice.

Hugs (if you'd like them)
Wendy

Perfection for me is hard to break - especially when it got way out of hand and I developed anorexia. But I believe I'll make it through it sooner or later. I have to, I need to. And I enjoy hugs. Thanks Wendy.

xXx Charm xXx