3 weeks si free and want to SI

[Wendy]

l. How will this situation or feeling change if I hurt myself?

I'll feel some relief and comfort for a while and be more relaxed -- crying would probably do the same thing, but I don't know how to access that

2. What will hurting myself bring to the situation? What will it take away from the situation?

Bring - Feeling more alive and relaxed and taken care of
Take away - Stressed feeling

3. How do I want to feel about this in the long run? Is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

I want to feel alive, relaxed, focused. Hurting myself will probably only be a short term fix, not a long term one

4. If hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? What will I do then?

The really good feelings will probably last 2 or 3 hours. I'll probably feel less stressed for 3 or 4 days. I'll probably be confronting similar feelings in 4 to 7 days and will have to make a choice again like this. I guess I'm just so tired right now of fighting it. Just be so nice to give in.

5. What is something I could do now instead of hurting myself? How will it change the situation I'm I? How long will that change last, and what will I do then?

I could watch TV for a while -- good for several hours and is only a distraction -- won't change anything. I could exercise on my cardio glide while I'm watching TV -- that might actually make a real difference. I've never SI'd right after exercising. Problem is I've been sick for a week and am feeling pretty week right now. Feel like SI'ing now and doing the exercise next week when I'm well and facing this again.

6. How will I feel tomorrow if I hurt myself? How will I feel tomorrow, if I do the other thing I cam up with?

If I do it, I'll feel disappointed that I lost my shot at 4 weeks. I'm not sure I'm physically up to doing the other thing, though it might work if I was.

7. What do I really want to do right now? How can I best honor my self protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I really want to snuggle in my best friend's arms and I want to be able to cry, but my best friend is on the other side of the continent and I can't get to the tears right now. Usually cyber hugs and encouragement cut it, but right now I think I need something physical -- I still want to cut. I'll put it off for a bit and see if I can shift to another place.

[Laura]

Well done for trying to resist this when giving in is so much easier.

Exercise probably isn't a good idea when you're ill... can you figure out what it is about exercise that helps you? Is it the physical exertion, or the feeling virtuous, or the being tired afterwards? Perhaps there's something you could do that would give similar relief without being as exhausting as exercising when you're not well enough.

Some ideas for physical things on the Coping board: http://busmail.org/phpBB/viewtopic.php?t=34500#physical

Good luck
Love Laura

[Wendy]

When I exercise, if I do it vigorously enough my endorphins kick in and I get some of the same benefit as SI only at a lower level -- feel good, relaxed, etc. Even if I don't go at it vigorously enough for the "runner's high", I still feel much more relaxed afterward and am able to go to sleep. SI and exercise are the only things I know that do that for me. Thanks for the suggestion on the site.

I was up until 4 AM on the internet, but I didn't SI! I felt just fine today -- wouldn't have know there was a problem last night. Isn't life funny! And I felt good enough to exercise tonight, so now I'm pumped and feeling great! Quite a switch!

Thanks for responding, Laura. I hope you're doing okay today?

Hugs,

Wendy