Knowing where I went wrong

[Karen]

I last SI'd 4 days ago and just wanted to post as to where exactly my head is at right now, I've already been through some of the 'motions' that come later so I'll not answer all the questions as to what's gone on before I cut, not to be direspectful to other people's issues or feelings, I want to make this a fresh start and accept that I can't change what's already done and answer to where I'm at now, 4 days later, if that's ok?

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
This is actually easier to answer with, what didn't I try?....I didn't try harder.

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
I knew being on bus could've stopped me, either that or chatting to a fellow busser, I had the support I needed, being on bus was giving me that, I let myself down.

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
Switch my computer on.
ASK FOR HELP.

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
I can't feel anything regarding the situation, I do know it's not resolved, asleep maybe but not resolved.
As my husband was my trigger and he's not gonna change, I have to, I have to take that step forward and stop just threatening to do so.

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Hell yeah, for sure I'll be there, how will I recognize it?....my husband's mood will bring it to my attention.

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
1. Remove myself from the company of my husband.
2. Remind myself to listen to ME and not HIM.
3. Communicate, especially here, where we can relate.

Thanks for listening...

I'm happy to say I'm doing much better...

Karen

[Tiarin]

I knew being on bus could've stopped me, either that or chatting to a fellow busser, I had the support I needed, being on bus was giving me that, I let myself down.

i think that's a fabulous coping method. do you have any idea what made it difficult to use last time?

I'm happy to say I'm doing much better..

cool! i hope it lasts.

dragonfly

[Karen]

I do know what made it difficult to use bus, my husband was in control, I couldn't get access to it at the time....he'd already put his foot through one computer that day {he tends to go for my lifelines} suppose it's better than beating me but no excuse. To have made the effort to do so would've resulted in my computer being destroyed too...

Thanks for your support,

Karen

[Wendy]

Hi Karen,

I can relate to what you're saying about your husband. I'm starting to realize how controlling and emotionally abusive my H can be. It's strange but as I started sharing some of that on the bus the urginess started to decrease for me.

I also relate to the fear of losing the computer at all, if you get caught and being cut off from your life lines. My H has threatened to disconnect the computer and the phone. Not much of a way to live. I'm sorry you couldn't get to the computer, when it could have helped.

Wendy

[Karen]

Thanks Wendy,

I feel I need to get to the root of...."Why do I love this kinda person?, What attracts me to him?....Why do I tolerate him?....etc, etc, etc....
You'll know what I'm talking about, you've probably had these thoughts yourself... .......ANYWAY....

I know you're doing good girl! ...Keep up the good work!

Karen

[truce]

Cant really add much, just send you these great big supportive hugs.

[Karen]

Thanks truce,




Right back at ya!

Thanks for your support!

Keep strong and safe,

Karen