Relapse? Slip? failure?
Posted: Wed Sep 08, 2004 1:35 am
EDIT=Sorry about how long that turned out!
have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Yes.
what had happened just before?
The guys at my table were talking about how this *tool* (it was something in the still life we were doing for art) could "really scratch a guy up". They threw it to me and said "you better keep this away from us violent guys"
what were you thinking and feeling?
I dunno. I was really confused, and really...frustrated about feeling urges. I felt dumb for getting these urges when nothing had even happened. I think it affected my will power, because I was distracted by feeling dumb and weak.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it? It was just...having this physical thing infront of me. I still have tools in my room, but they are very much different from what the bulk of my SI has been. This thing was a lot more like what had been "my usual". It was familiar I guess. And the comments the guys had made just started me thinking.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.
I shouldnt have grabbed it. I should have just tossed it down to the other side of the table. It was the act of HOLDING it that i think pushed me. I should have just let it go, and not thought about it.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
2 things- ~I was bored and I didnt want to do my work.
~I dont really have any friends to distract me in my art class (along with many others) In the future? I think it would be better to do SOMETHING. I was just sitting there not working, and if I had tried to do something I would have been distracted when the situation came up.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work? None. Not very well.
Cant imagine why...
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they? Trying to do my work, moving the tool away from me, changing seats at the beginning of the discussion, talking to my art prof (she is very cool and would let me take a breather)
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again. Try to remember that if the trigger is a physical tool its the easiest to get away from. and I NEVER have to stay and listen to a discussion if I hear it turning bad.
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
I think it was stupid, but I think I understand what happened, and I think it was just a slip.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation? Possibly. That feeling of being dumb, like theres no reason to be urgy.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
~Leaving the area
~Telling someone
~if I can not remove myself, remove the tool/problem i.e., speak up about uncomfortable conversation.
Wow, side note. That really worked! It feels good to try to understand it! Theres plenty of stuff i dont understand, most likely, but still!
have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Yes.
what had happened just before?
The guys at my table were talking about how this *tool* (it was something in the still life we were doing for art) could "really scratch a guy up". They threw it to me and said "you better keep this away from us violent guys"
what were you thinking and feeling?
I dunno. I was really confused, and really...frustrated about feeling urges. I felt dumb for getting these urges when nothing had even happened. I think it affected my will power, because I was distracted by feeling dumb and weak.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it? It was just...having this physical thing infront of me. I still have tools in my room, but they are very much different from what the bulk of my SI has been. This thing was a lot more like what had been "my usual". It was familiar I guess. And the comments the guys had made just started me thinking.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.
I shouldnt have grabbed it. I should have just tossed it down to the other side of the table. It was the act of HOLDING it that i think pushed me. I should have just let it go, and not thought about it.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
2 things- ~I was bored and I didnt want to do my work.
~I dont really have any friends to distract me in my art class (along with many others) In the future? I think it would be better to do SOMETHING. I was just sitting there not working, and if I had tried to do something I would have been distracted when the situation came up.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work? None. Not very well.
Cant imagine why...in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they? Trying to do my work, moving the tool away from me, changing seats at the beginning of the discussion, talking to my art prof (she is very cool and would let me take a breather)
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again. Try to remember that if the trigger is a physical tool its the easiest to get away from. and I NEVER have to stay and listen to a discussion if I hear it turning bad.
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
I think it was stupid, but I think I understand what happened, and I think it was just a slip.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation? Possibly. That feeling of being dumb, like theres no reason to be urgy.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
~Leaving the area
~Telling someone
~if I can not remove myself, remove the tool/problem i.e., speak up about uncomfortable conversation.
Wow, side note. That really worked! It feels good to try to understand it! Theres plenty of stuff i dont understand, most likely, but still!