gave in

[Guest]

have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Yes, I took care of it.

what had happened just before?
I'd woken up after a terrible nights sleep and Michal was leaving for work.


what were you thinking and feeling?
I wish I was still asleep, I wish I hadn't woken up, I don't think I'm going to last today, I'm a bitch and I need to be hurt.

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it?
No final straw as such. Bit of a revelation yesterday and an admittance of what has been making me feel so bad, bit of disappointment that I couldn't get Michal to understand me, felt like nothing had been resolved yesterday and all today would be was a struggle.

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
I don't KNOW. It was early, I was so tired, I already felt bad, I couldn't face the thought of having to do today. It's the first time since January that I gave in to the extent I did. If this was a slip up, it's a pretty big one.

were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
Lack of sleep, but I have sleep problems anyway, and they always get worse when I'm feeling bad.

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
Talked to myself. "Get up now you stupid bitch", friendly encouragement like that. But giving in and SIing calmed me down, gave me the illusion of control and kind of forced me to get up to clean myself up.


in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they? I should have called Michal, my mobile was next to the bed.
I should have made a deal with myself not to give in until I'd got up and had a shower, in the hope that by then the immediate urge would have passed.


name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again. I can avoid the exact situation by not letting myself keep anything that I'm likely to want to use as a tool in the bedroom. But the coping methods... Hmm. I need to write them down somewhere I will read them every day, to make them stick in my mind. I need to tell Michal the kind of help I might have to call on him for.

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
Awful, no, and I know but don't feel able to yet.

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation? Yes. Easily- it's been a very common one for me.

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying. Calling Michal.
Chucking everything off the bed and around the room.
Getting up to find something it's OK to break?