yep. next question
what had happened just before?
tlaking to my mother on the phone. (need i say more?)
what were you thinking and feeling?
was frustrated cuz she won't let me be the parent to my kids. frustrated cuz idk how to stand up to her. just this smidgiest bit proud that i ended the phone conversation and even politely.
was mad at me cuz i wanted to tell her off but fear paralyzed me. i hate that i can't just cut all ties w/her.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it?
i've been wanting to si for the past 2-3 dyas. the p hone call, combined w/the realization that my checking acct has a zero balance was it.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.
idk. wanted to (si) last nite at work but couldn't. that was still looming over me. perhaps if i'd just ended the call sooner i wouldn't have felt i had to si. but since my kdis are at her house i had to call to say i'm awake and coming to get them (i worked nites and so i'm sleep-deprived to boot---i know that lack of sleep makes everything worse for me.)
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
*smiles* i just answered that. sleep will always be a problem as long as i work rotating shifts.
the money issue will be a problem till i get regular paychecks (but i'm still earning only 60% of my may income)
i've asked pNP for small Rx for anxiolytics but he won't give them to me. i will address this again at next appt.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
last couple of days i posted here. today it was, well, it was f*** it i don't care anymore, i'm gonna si!!
i've also tried soaking in the tub and distraction by watching movies w/kids. they helped for the moment, but the urges kept coming back.
i also tried a nap today, but since i'd just woke up, i couldn't sleep.
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
not yet. it's still too fresh. and i've got a headache so i'm not thinking so clearly.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
geez, i'm remembering to come here and post. i'm remembering to soak in the tub. but when i've postponed for 2 days and then this, idk that i'll remember anything except where my tools are.
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?situation is not resolved. i'm still royally po'd at my mother. and i have a little bit of a solution to her question that prompted the whole GD'd thing in the first place. but i'm still all knotted up inside and now i wanna drink too.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
as llong as i talk to my mother, as long as i don't set boundaries with her and exhert my parental authority (meaning she's NOT the parent of my kids) the situation will recur. so yeah, i'll get to that spot again. BUT w/any luck, i won't have the build-up so that an interaction w/my mother will push me to si.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
*get on bus
*listen to happy music
*groom hobbes
ok. now i feel semi-numb which is where i wanted to end up. i have to go get my kids now. we'll see how i feel when i get back.
