here again
Posted: Tue Aug 17, 2004 9:54 pm
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
P and I have been having problems in our relationship, i thought things were improving and then he completely ignored me all night. When i tried to talk about it with him he blamed me for it all. i had a bad weekend and told myself i just had to hang on till last night because i had a full medical yesterday and didn't want there to be any visible marks. Last night i felt good enough about myself that i didn't feel the need to, yet today i have come crashing down again. i'm also worried as i have exams starting on monday. i don't know whether it is that i want a physical expression of my inner pain or whether it is that i just want to hurt myself for the situations i get myself into, probably a bit of both.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I have been here before in the sense that i have wanted to si before. sometimes for somewhat similar reasons sometimes for vastly different reasons. sometimes i have resisted the urge other times i have given in.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've tried talking about it to P, tried to explain how i'm feeling. i can go downstairs to talk to my parents (not about it but about stuff in general), i probably will do that but then i'm not sure what i can do in the longer term that will help.
How do I feel right now?
i feel anxious, upset, like i want to cry but can't. i feel very alone
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
i will feel the pain but it will be a relief too.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
i will feel angry that i lost my days and will have to start again. if it hasn't "worked" then i will feel angry that i lost my days for nothing.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i don't know if i can avoid the stressor, it is part of the life that is living with and dealing with people. i need to work out how to deal with it better so that i don't get to this point again.
Do I need to hurt myself?
i don't need to hurt myself, i know that in my head but part of me believes that it is the best way of dealing with things and this is a big emotional issue for me and my natural way of dealing with emotional problems is by si.
P and I have been having problems in our relationship, i thought things were improving and then he completely ignored me all night. When i tried to talk about it with him he blamed me for it all. i had a bad weekend and told myself i just had to hang on till last night because i had a full medical yesterday and didn't want there to be any visible marks. Last night i felt good enough about myself that i didn't feel the need to, yet today i have come crashing down again. i'm also worried as i have exams starting on monday. i don't know whether it is that i want a physical expression of my inner pain or whether it is that i just want to hurt myself for the situations i get myself into, probably a bit of both.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
I have been here before in the sense that i have wanted to si before. sometimes for somewhat similar reasons sometimes for vastly different reasons. sometimes i have resisted the urge other times i have given in.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've tried talking about it to P, tried to explain how i'm feeling. i can go downstairs to talk to my parents (not about it but about stuff in general), i probably will do that but then i'm not sure what i can do in the longer term that will help.
How do I feel right now?
i feel anxious, upset, like i want to cry but can't. i feel very alone
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
i will feel the pain but it will be a relief too.
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
i will feel angry that i lost my days and will have to start again. if it hasn't "worked" then i will feel angry that i lost my days for nothing.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
i don't know if i can avoid the stressor, it is part of the life that is living with and dealing with people. i need to work out how to deal with it better so that i don't get to this point again.
Do I need to hurt myself?
i don't need to hurt myself, i know that in my head but part of me believes that it is the best way of dealing with things and this is a big emotional issue for me and my natural way of dealing with emotional problems is by si.