bus

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I feel worthless. Selfish. Irresponsible. A failure. Out of control. And I want some of that control back.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Been here before, but coping mechanisms suck, that the only thing I can think of to deal is something self-destructive.

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I've gone out with friends. Watched TV to try to distract me. Guess I could try more distractions, but that's all they do is distract. They don't make the feelings go away.

How do I feel right now?
Sad. Scared.

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
Numb.

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Ashamed, I guess. Fearing that someone at camp will find out, and that a stunt like this could harm my chances at the promotion I've been aiming for.

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
Could probably figure out a way to realize when I'm starting to fall, so I can get myself help before I get myself in too deep.

Do I need to hurt myself?
Yes?

Fleur wrote:Do I need to hurt myself?
Yes?

You answered with a question
Need is subjective at times isn't it?

I guess I could ask what would it accomplish if you did choose to hurt yourself?

What could you accomplish if you chose not to?

Can you take some time to look at what you wish to accomplish and which path would lead you to that?

I think those are good questions to look at, I also noticed that your "yes" was a question, maybe you can think of some of the things that are keeping that a question instead of an absolute?

prox.
[hello depression you're back again]

Fleur wrote:Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I feel worthless. Selfish. Irresponsible. A failure. Out of control. And I want some of that control back.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Been here before, but coping mechanisms suck, that the only thing I can think of to deal is something self-destructive.

Do all coping mechanism suck? Or just the ones you have tried? Not all coping mechanisms are distractions, perhaps you should try some ways to express your feelings. You could draw, or write a letter to your feelings, or even mimich SI by tearing up cardboard and the like. If you need to be destructive you could smash ice or hit something with a pillow. For control, I usually organize things, or do something I know I've been putting off. It's hard, but it does work.

You also responded yes to the last question, Did you self-harm? If you did, I would suggest answering the 'after a slip' questions. They are very helpful, even if it seems like the problem is over because you self-injured, you will learn something from them.

JoAnna

You know, it's weird looking back at all that. Knowing that a week later, I'm in a completely opposite mood, and it scares me to think how bad things were then.

But I didn't SI, so I hope I can use this as a reminder that those feelings are only temporary. Thank you everyone who responded! *Hugs if ok*