bus

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

nothing short of emotional catharsis which I should be able to achieve in other ways.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

it will bring all sorts of nasty things I don't want, and some very temporary relief.
it will take away this "building up" feeling, but it will come back

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

I want to feel like even though it was hard, I did it anyway.
hurting myslef won't stop that from happening, but it will change the definition of "did it anyway" to something I would be less happy with.
so farther. but it might make making it a bit easier.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

doesn't seem like the best option, I just want it.
it will last till tomorrow
and tomorrow I will pick up agian because it will be a new day, and I'll make the choice again and again and again.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

I could go back to bed and cry. it won't change it either, i might feel better.
change will last until I get out of bed. and then I'll be just about here agian.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

I'll feel like shit.
less like shit.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I really want to disappear. I want to be taken care of, I want everything to be ok I want more second chances and more special exceptions, and I want to not be sick.
I dont' know I don[t know I don't know.
I think I can cry.

i dont' know what else to do now but cry.

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

I don't feel I need to.
a couple really rotten days, and a big fight and a lot of stress and feelings of personal weakness and inadequacy.

Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?

yeah.
nothing. it goes away on its own.
I felt like this

What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

nothing. I havent' done anything. I'm doing this.
I'm just waiting it out. I don't know what I could do. I don't wnat to distract myself, I don't want to pretend it's not there, or try to soothe myself, I just want it to stop.and I want someone else to care.

How do I feel right now?

scared sad hurt sore sick ugly alone

How will I feel when I am hurting myself?

I don't know anymore, it's been too long.
I would feel better.
I would feel worse.
basically I would feel different

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?

I'll feel like shit

Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?

not really, it's just life, we all break down.

Do I need to hurt myself?

no.


prox.
[nothing]

We all break down and as you said it will pass but that doesn't change the feelings you have now.
So you can go back to bed and cry
That will get you ever further past this moment.

What other options do you have?

Are there other tangible things that can be done to make it through and make this moment pass quicker?

you know what I did? after being off BUS for about two days, just barely checking in, I came back and got into the swing of things, read the board, replied to people and posted.
and it helped a lot.
just to remember that I'm not the only one, and that people do care, and that there is goodness in the world.
it was good.

I made up with my mom, basically,
and I'm trying to do some nice things for myself, like cleaning etc.

prox.
[hello depression you're back again]

Well done

Ummmm
When I think of doing somethign for myself cleaning isn't usually the first thing that comes to mind
I like to think of something fun
Maybe after you are done cleanign you can do something extra special for you
Maybe take yourself out for an ice cream or watch a cool movie
Just relax and take care of yourself not everything else.


I'm glad hanging out on bus helped

Jo