bus

Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?

i need to hurt myself because my heart is hurting and i dont know why. ive gone so long and im like a rubber band about to snap. i need to SI because i want to relax.


Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?

i have been here countless times and ive self injurred to help it. also ive gone shopping to help it but that turns out bad because i dont have the money to shop and im in debt. i feel a lot better after self injury except i have to hurt myself deep and i usually end up needing medical help and then they put me in the hospital which is what is stopping me from doing it right now.


What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?

ive printed out and organized my poetry, i played iwth my cats, ive written, ive emailed friends...........its not helping


How do I feel right now?

i feel like destroying everything around me i feel tense and i feel alone and out of control from my feelings


How will I feel when I am hurting myself?

relaxed and a little scared that ill go too far and it will be the end, im not suicidal

How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?

i will feel whole and comforted and in control and safe, tomorrow morning ill be mad if im in the hospital tho. i dont need to be there.


Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?

i dont really know what the stressor was except for not self injuring in awhile

Do I need to hurt myself

i should say no. but i feel like its the only way..............PLEASE HELP ME

I don't really know what to tell you to do except that I'm here to support you and not think you are crazy! Do you have a therapist or anyone you can talk with about why you SI? That's probably the first step and then you can work on handling your triggers. good wishes

Maybe you could talk to someone in your family or a friend. Or i'm also here if you need to talk.

Try using other coping skills. I know your good at writing poems. Could try writing some poem instead. I know that writong poem sometimes helps for me. I hope it helps.

Take care of yourself.
Try other things to take your mind of things.
I'm here if you ever need to talk.

~Lynz

Well, you seem pretty sure that SI is about control for you.

But I sense two conflicted urges. On one hand, SI gives you something to control, and gives you a sense of control- but on the other you mention that you want to destroy everything and you're scared you would go too far during SI.

So which purpose does SI serve? Is is something for you to control, or is it a time when you can (for lack of better words) let yourself go?

It sounds like you've tried organizing something already, and that didn't give you a sense of control. Have you tried anything that would let you be temporarily out of control. Throwing pillows across the room. Smashing eggs on trees, or ice in the bathtub? Maybe it would release some of that tension.

JoAnna

thank you all for replying.... im sorry i couldnt thank you sooner but i just got home from a 10 day hospital stay. i ended up self injuring and ODing. but i asked for help, unfortunatly it was after the fact... thank you all for your support i really missed it while i was gone