si'd 2 nites ago and want to again
Posted: Fri Aug 13, 2004 11:39 pm
i'm gonna answer the after questions so hopefully i can figure out how to not si now.
i know what triggered the si, and the stressor is still there. now i just feel like i'm being hit w/too many things and i'm feeling like i can't be true to myself w/o risking hurting someone else. so problem is, am i worthy enuf to be true to myself, or do i give in to making someone else more important.
have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. yeah they're fine.
what had happened just before? couldn't take the finanacial stress i was under and at late at nite hours, couldn't call anyone to try to "fix" it.
what were you thinking and feeling? that i was gonna end up having to file bankruptcy again. (once was enuf in a lifetime and i was scared as hell). i was also thinking that dead people don't have to pay bills, so i compromised and si'd instead of attemped su.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it? already said...financial disaster. and it was a way to stay alive.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw. well *shrugs* i've been trying to figure this out. i'm not 'proud' that i si'd, but glad that i chose that over su attempt. so idk if coulda made a different decision, cuz it would've been to choose death.
i did a lot of things on my "what to do instead of si list" and they weren't working. actually for me the final straw would've been giving in to su, so altho it's a poor coping mechanism i'm not that upset that i chose it. i'm just trying to avoid it now.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how? other factors were late in the day, tired, cranky kids (yes they make it harder to cope). cranky kids will just happen since i can't control someone else. tired, yeah get sleep but i wouldn't have slept then i was intent on something self-destructive. but i AM trying to get better sleep and taking a fairly new med for that.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work? stayed on bus for a long time. im'd. took a bubble bath. watched tv. did laundry. unloaded/loaded the D/W. played w/the cat. they all worked but only for a bit.
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they? no
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution? still major stressed. NO it's NOT resolved. i've applied to a gazillion jobs, told my current employer i need more hours, sold books and anything else they'd take for money. that's why i'm f'g stressed again and wanna si.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation? umm, yeah. there right now. i recognize it cuz i'm urgy.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying posting in this forum. write in my journal. ask NP about anxiety prn (why not)
this really hasn't helped. at least for my urginess. but it's made me realize that i feel completely helpless about my financial straits.
i know what triggered the si, and the stressor is still there. now i just feel like i'm being hit w/too many things and i'm feeling like i can't be true to myself w/o risking hurting someone else. so problem is, am i worthy enuf to be true to myself, or do i give in to making someone else more important.
have you taken care of your physiacl wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait. yeah they're fine.
what had happened just before? couldn't take the finanacial stress i was under and at late at nite hours, couldn't call anyone to try to "fix" it.
what were you thinking and feeling? that i was gonna end up having to file bankruptcy again. (once was enuf in a lifetime and i was scared as hell). i was also thinking that dead people don't have to pay bills, so i compromised and si'd instead of attemped su.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it? already said...financial disaster. and it was a way to stay alive.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw. well *shrugs* i've been trying to figure this out. i'm not 'proud' that i si'd, but glad that i chose that over su attempt. so idk if coulda made a different decision, cuz it would've been to choose death.
i did a lot of things on my "what to do instead of si list" and they weren't working. actually for me the final straw would've been giving in to su, so altho it's a poor coping mechanism i'm not that upset that i chose it. i'm just trying to avoid it now.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how? other factors were late in the day, tired, cranky kids (yes they make it harder to cope). cranky kids will just happen since i can't control someone else. tired, yeah get sleep but i wouldn't have slept then i was intent on something self-destructive. but i AM trying to get better sleep and taking a fairly new med for that.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work? stayed on bus for a long time. im'd. took a bubble bath. watched tv. did laundry. unloaded/loaded the D/W. played w/the cat. they all worked but only for a bit.
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they? no
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution? still major stressed. NO it's NOT resolved. i've applied to a gazillion jobs, told my current employer i need more hours, sold books and anything else they'd take for money. that's why i'm f'g stressed again and wanna si.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation? umm, yeah. there right now. i recognize it cuz i'm urgy.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying posting in this forum. write in my journal. ask NP about anxiety prn (why not)
this really hasn't helped. at least for my urginess. but it's made me realize that i feel completely helpless about my financial straits.