bus

figure out what led to the slip.
alright, thats what im tryin' to do here...

have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
yes i have

what had happened just before?
my friend told me he was going to a friend's house and they had access to some weed

what were you thinking and feeling?
i didnt like the idea and i was feeling hypocritical because i try to be openminded and tolerant of other people's choices but i couldnt stop feeling bothered by it

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it? holding feelings in, lied and said i was okay with it [or not 'not okay']

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events thatled up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decisiona nd not arrived at the final straw.
i could have said that i didnt like the idea instead of pretending it was okay with me

were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
haha, drugs but not on my end

what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
none

in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
write about it, post somewhere about it, play with harley, draw, play guitar, get my mind off of it since i cant do anything about it

name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
stop and ask myself what a good distraction is, stop and make myself tell the truth

how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
no it is not resolved, i could discuss it with the person [but i probably wont]

are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
its definitely possible, im not sure

what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
i should talk about it or remind myself that i cant control what happens in the situation because it is someone else's choice, i dont know what else to try

Fyllie wrote:why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was teh final straw? what was it? holding feelings in, lied and said i was okay with it [or not 'not okay']

What was stopping you from saying you weren't ok with the idea?

hello there, hope you don't mind my question. It sort of follows on from limestone's:

Do you often lie about your feelings/opinions to other people? Is this something you do automatically? Can you practise saying 'I don't like that idea' to yourself in the mirror? It might make it a bit easier to say it to someone else when the need arises.

limestone wrote:What was stopping you from saying you weren't ok with the idea?

didnt wanna cause 'turbulence', i guess...and if its something he wants to do he has a right to do it, my feelings dont really mean anything because its his deal, not mine...and if he did take what i thought into consideration i think i would feel even worse because i dont like to influence people like that not sure why that is...

help_me_understand wrote:hello there, hope you don't mind my question. It sort of follows on from limestone's:

Do you often lie about your feelings/opinions to other people?

i do...all the time... you'll rarely get an honest answer out of me [unless, of course, im not involved in the situation, then ill tell you EXACTLY what i think you should do ]

Is this something you do automatically?

not necessarily automatically, just...a lot...im perfectly aware that im doing it...i think i do it to try not to 'create problems' because its easier to just go along with whatever and no one will be mad at me for a clash of opinion [which is stupid because its an opinion not written law or anything]...i try very hard to avoid fighting/conflict...

Fyllie wrote: not necessarily automatically, just...a lot...im perfectly aware that im doing it...i think i do it to try not to 'create problems' because its easier to just go along with whatever and no one will be mad at me for a clash of opinion [which is stupid because its an opinion not written law or anything]...i try very hard to avoid fighting/conflict...

i wonder if this (or a less charged situation to start, maybe) might be a good way to practice saying what you think? now that it's not a situation happening right now, maybe you could say to him that you actually were really bothered by it because you're not terribly fond of drugs but you didn't want to say so because it's not your decision to make (if i'm hearing what you're saying right). then see if something horrible happens. practice saying what you think about things in situations where the costs of possible conflict are low, and notice hate outcomes. journal it, even. basically, check your ideas about what will happen if you say what you're thinking against the reality of what does happen -- so the journaling could be something like description of situation, how i felt, how i said i felt, what i thought would happen, what did happen.

deb

sine nomine wrote:i wonder if this (or a less charged situation to start, maybe) might be a good way to practice saying what you think? now that it's not a situation happening right now, maybe you could say to him that you actually were really bothered by it because you're not terribly fond of drugs but you didn't want to say so because it's not your decision to make (if i'm hearing what you're saying right). then see if something horrible happens. practice saying what you think about things in situations where the costs of possible conflict are low, and notice hate outcomes. journal it, even. basically, check your ideas about what will happen if you say what you're thinking against the reality of what does happen -- so the journaling could be something like description of situation, how i felt, how i said i felt, what i thought would happen, what did happen.

i compromised [okay, cheated] a bit and decided that since i was really uncomfortable with talking about Feelings an email would suffice [which was still QUITE hard, i can hardly bring myself to type what im feeling because that means acknowledging it and i dont like to do that]...but in lieu of the compromise i forced myself to bring up a few larger issues...

i didnt feel any better [maybe worse]...but then it didnt resolve anything yet because i have to wait to hear back from him...

im still terribly uncomfortable with this particular situation, and i still feel like my Feelings arent valid in this case [because its not my life and i try never to interfere with other people's lives when i dont have to]...im not sure i know how to change that...