A slip- answering the questions
Posted: Sun Aug 08, 2004 9:13 pm
Okay. I guess I'll give this a shot.
*I should mention that I'm not giving up SI cold turkey. I'm trying to decrease my SI by increments (right now I'm at 10 days max.). I tried to give up cold and I was miserable and really unhealthy the whole time. So I figure if I give up by increments, I can gradually increase my SI free time while building other coping mechanisms to replace SI.*
have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Yes. I have.
what had happened just before?
I was reading a note from my school about the rules and dress code.
what were you thinking and feeling?
The note was supremely unfair. Not towards me, but in general. There were some clear logical fallicies that troubled me. Even though I've never had a problem with the rules or the dress code, I was bothered by the unfair treatment of the topic by the school. I felt frustrated and uncomfortable. It also reminded me of other feelings that school brings up, like failure and being overwhelmed.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
I was at my longest I've ever been without SI. My tools were right next to me in my purse. Not even an arms reach away. It was reading that note that was the final straw.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
Well, I'd read the note and been upset. I put it down, and walked away. I was still bothered so I reread it. At that point I self-harmed. Earlier that night I had been thinking about self-harm.
were there outside factors like drugs, alcohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
It was late at night, and my room was mess- I never let my room get messy because it upsets me(and increase my feelings of helplessness).
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I didn't. And I feel very ashamed of that, because it's such a small thing to slip over. I've gone through so many worse urges, but this one, it just never occured to me
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
Absolutely. I should have put the letter down and distracted myself. I could have tried any number of distractions. Or tried writing out all of the things I found wrong with the letter, logically. Not to send- but just to express my thoughts without them getting bottled up inside.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I'm going to put a pen in with my self-harm tools. So I always remember that I can write. Other than that, I guess I'll just try to remember.
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
The situation is not resolved, and there is no way for me to alter the rules of the school (I've tried...). But I don't know if I should be worried so much about the school, maybe I should focus on my reaction.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
I think I was feeling helpless. I will feel like that again, but I don't know how I will recognize it. Sometimes it's very hard to put my thoughts in order until after self-injury. I'm a little lost at how to do that.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
I will try to breathe, and distance myself from the situation.
I will try to write out what I feel.
I will try to do something I can control, like knitting or organizing.
JoAnna
*I should mention that I'm not giving up SI cold turkey. I'm trying to decrease my SI by increments (right now I'm at 10 days max.). I tried to give up cold and I was miserable and really unhealthy the whole time. So I figure if I give up by increments, I can gradually increase my SI free time while building other coping mechanisms to replace SI.*
have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Yes. I have.
what had happened just before?
I was reading a note from my school about the rules and dress code.
what were you thinking and feeling?
The note was supremely unfair. Not towards me, but in general. There were some clear logical fallicies that troubled me. Even though I've never had a problem with the rules or the dress code, I was bothered by the unfair treatment of the topic by the school. I felt frustrated and uncomfortable. It also reminded me of other feelings that school brings up, like failure and being overwhelmed.
why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
I was at my longest I've ever been without SI. My tools were right next to me in my purse. Not even an arms reach away. It was reading that note that was the final straw.
how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
Well, I'd read the note and been upset. I put it down, and walked away. I was still bothered so I reread it. At that point I self-harmed. Earlier that night I had been thinking about self-harm.
were there outside factors like drugs, alcohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
It was late at night, and my room was mess- I never let my room get messy because it upsets me(and increase my feelings of helplessness).
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I didn't. And I feel very ashamed of that, because it's such a small thing to slip over. I've gone through so many worse urges, but this one, it just never occured to me
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
Absolutely. I should have put the letter down and distracted myself. I could have tried any number of distractions. Or tried writing out all of the things I found wrong with the letter, logically. Not to send- but just to express my thoughts without them getting bottled up inside.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
I'm going to put a pen in with my self-harm tools. So I always remember that I can write. Other than that, I guess I'll just try to remember.
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
The situation is not resolved, and there is no way for me to alter the rules of the school (I've tried...). But I don't know if I should be worried so much about the school, maybe I should focus on my reaction.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
I think I was feeling helpless. I will feel like that again, but I don't know how I will recognize it. Sometimes it's very hard to put my thoughts in order until after self-injury. I'm a little lost at how to do that.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
I will try to breathe, and distance myself from the situation.
I will try to write out what I feel.
I will try to do something I can control, like knitting or organizing.
JoAnna
I had to make myself calm down. I would actually get an index card for test days and write on it, "This is only a test. It will not make or break the rest of my life. It is okay if I try my best." That helped me.