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After:

Questions to Answer After A Slip
slips are chances to learn. you figure out what stresses are still too hard for you and you can work on how you'll deal with them next time you run into them. so instead of beating yourself up, take action.

• what had happened just before? I had an argument with my mom.
• what were you thinking and feeling? I was upset with myself. Feeling not good enough, and worthless to the world.
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it? My mom got mad at me, and I was already feeling stressed and angry at other things.
• how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw. I was frustrated because the internet wasn't working and thus didn't have access to communicating with friends. The day before, I was a bit stressed at work because I was the only one in my department that was available at the time. I could have asked for the managers' help if I thought i wasn't going to complete everything in time. I could have called my friends on the phone if i was feeling lonely.
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how? Just the stress of preparing to move after 23 years in the same residence and stress at work.
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work? I tried to hit objects. It didn't work at all. I wanted to curse, but then my mom gets more upset.
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they? I just need to try to remove myself from the stressful situation.
• name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again. I will try grounding methods...maybe clenching my fist but also taking a deep breath while doing it. If I start to get upset, I need to walk away from the situation.
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution? Yes, it's over now. I just need to let. it. go and not be too hard on myself.
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation? I might...If I start to feel tense in my body or am shaking. Or if my thoughts start to become negative and/or clouded.
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying. I will try to remove myself from the situation. b) I will take a deep breath and clench my fist, then release it to release the anger c.) I will try to remind myself of what I have accomplished when I feel worthless or inadequate instead of punishing myself via self harm.

About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other? I can do it secretly, and it won't upset anyone else if no one finds out about it.
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking? both
• What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge? I would have just thrown a tantrum.
• If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased? It may have decreased.
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling? Having the tools, being alone, and not being adequately encouraged by others to not do it.
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel? Anxious and angsty,..

Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.

hi grace,

i'm curious about what you said about throwing a tantrum. what would that look like for you? i get the impression that it would help express your feelings but not defuse the situation? what are the up sides and down sides to it? is there a way to use similar behaviour in a more effective way? eg throwing icecubes outside, or writing a letter about the situation and then tearing it up.

Hi Treasure,
Throwing a tantrum, unfortunately, will look like exactly how you might imagine. Throwing stuff and being really, really loud. When, I am at home next time, I think I might do the writing the letter thing. Thank you for your suggestion! However, what should I do when I can't write a letter. (i.e...I'm at work with a really rude customer or associate, and I want to defuse the situation and not end up throwing a tantrum or God forbid...SIing at work, which thankfully I have NEVER done!)
-me