bus

How will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?

I will feel less pressure. I feel like I have been living in a never ending stress crucible since December 2017. It's wearing me down. Stress to stress, awful to awful.

what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?

I don't know what it will bring. Perhaps some relief. Perhaps some pain. And besides my progress, I don't know what it will take away.

how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?

I just don't want this situation to exist. I just want to be at peace. Like have things not be horribly stressful. And to be honest I am really not sure. I just feel like a cornered rat.

if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?

I don't know

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?

I could decorate the house, and I could eat. It won't change much but maybe buy me enough time to not want to si anymore.

how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?

Probably shitty. Ditto.

what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I don't know.

how are things today kenmeri?

si is pretty effective at removing that trapped/stressed/can't handle this feeling. i think sometimes self-compassion can be a powerful alternative. thinking about what you think someone else in that situation could do and how you would treat a friend in your situation.