Before
Posted: Fri Feb 08, 2019 2:08 pm
I'm closer to giving in to SI than I've been in a while, so thought I'd try this . . .
Before:
Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
I don't know if I really want a person though - I kind of tried. I said a little bit to a friend and then I just felt worse for it - I hate me. I'm stupid. It's nothing.
More Before Questions To Answer
Before:
Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
- how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will stop feeling for awhile. I want that. - what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
Make me stop feeling. Take away me trying not to SI. Make faith stuff harder. - how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to not want SI as much. So SIing will make that harder. - if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
It would last a little bit. Then I'd want it again. - what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I'm DOING this. It makes me stop. I could have SId already if I'd let myself just go to it as an immediate response. But I made myself stop. I don't know if answering the questions will help. I don't know if what I write will be rubbish or not. But I guess it's at least good to make myself stop before giving in. - how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
Honestly, both options - I think I'll still feel crap. - what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I don't know if I really want a person though - I kind of tried. I said a little bit to a friend and then I just felt worse for it - I hate me. I'm stupid. It's nothing.
More Before Questions To Answer
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
Being around family 3 weeks ago
Last weekend feeling crap
My huge list of things I did wrong at work this week
Worrying about work stuff
Feeling stuff for no reason because I am stupid
Hating myself for all of the above - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yep. Many times. I don't know. - What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
Wasted the whole day - on the internet and playing games
Attempted one of those online talk to a counsellor things - I regret doing that. It very much didn't help and I wasted their time too.
Went to a friend's house to watch a movie - that was actually kind of good, for a while. I wonder if being around people would help sometimes.
Attempted to talk to a friend a little about it. This made me feel bad and hate me more. - How do I feel right now?
I feel. . . Different to last weekend - last weekend feelings hurt and I was sad and I couldn't stop crying. This is more - hating me, and feeling "yuck", and not knowing who I am, and . . . I don't know. . . More self-hatred. And frustration at me being stupid and not getting things done. - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
I want it. I really do. I nearly gave in to it. But I probably won't. . . Depending on how long before I can sleep. It's hard to lie awake with these feelings. . , - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
Bad - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I don't know. HOW am I meant to deal with things? What do I do? How do I make not every weekend be falling apart time. . . I don't know. - Do I need to hurt myself?
