write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:
how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will get relief, at least momentarily. I will feel like I have adequately punished myself for how badly I've screwed up.
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
It will bring momentary relief but also long term guilt. It will take away my opportunity to learn to cope in a healthy way.
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
I want to feel less miserable and feel like I can cope. Hurting myself gets me further away from feeling like I can cope and the guilt and stress of doing it will probably eat at me incessantly.
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I can stay on bus. I can continue listening to music and call a friend to distract myself. I can always take a nap, which while it isn't the best coping skill, it's better than self-harm
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
I will feel relieved if I do the other thing I came up with. I will feel extremely stressed out about someone finding out if I self-harm.
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I really want to feel less on edge, less miserable, and less bad about myself. I want relief from how I feel. I can honor that self-protective instinct by choosing self-care instead of punishment.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.
More Before Questions To Answer
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
I feel disgusting and feel a lot of self loathing. I want relief from it and punishment. Also, I'm bored.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
Yes, many times. If I stick out the urge without acting on it, the self loathing will recede to a bearable level at some point.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
I showered, got on bus, am listening to music. I can nap, call a friend, watch something funny.
How do I feel right now?
I feel full of self hate. And boredom. And more self-hate.
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
I will feel relieved and vindicated
How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
I will feel terrified of anyone finding out. I will feel guilty and like a failure.
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
I can't avoid this stressor, because everywhere I go, there I am, but I can try to deal with the self-hate before it gets to such a high level.
Do I need to hurt myself?
I feel like this is trick question. I guess I don't ever need to hurt myself but it certainly feels like I do to get relief and achieve punishment.
Cheers to anyone who read this whole thing.
