bus

Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  I will feel better momentarily and then I will feel horribly guilty and anxious.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  It will both bring control and take control. I will briefly feel like I've finally got my brain under control, but then I will realize that my SI is controlling ME.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  The thing is, part of me wants the scars long-term...there is an aesthetic to them, in a weird way. So long-term, I'll get more scars. But I'll also have to start over counting my "clean days," and I'll have to tell my therapist and psychiatrist.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  The relief will last...well, it's unpredictable. Sometimes the relief lasts 5 hours, sometimes it lasts 5 seconds.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  Watch game grumps with my friend online, light some incense, drink tea, journal, take my meds
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  If I cut myself, I will feel horrible, anxious, and sick tomorrow. If I self-soothe and take my meds and go to bed, I'll hopefully feel better tomorrow.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I really just want to make evreything disappear. I feel overwhelmed. Everything is too much. I'm stressed out and tired and I just want it all to go away for a little while.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  Probably mostly being off some of my meds (mix-up with my doctor)
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  I've been here before, many times, and usually it's either cutting or white-knuckling it.
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  Burned some incense, ate some food, took my meds
• How do I feel right now?
  Anxious. Scared. Tired. So tired.
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  Numb. Ecstatic.
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  Horrible. Anxious, guilty, miserable.
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  I really need to get better about keeping my med prescriptions filled.
• Do I need to hurt myself?

I don't know if I need to but I want to...gonna try to just go to bed soon

Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.

hi loki,

i hope you are able to get to sleep soon. incense and tea sound like great ways to relax your mind and body before sleep. do you have any calming music or other sensory things that might help?

treasure, thank you for replying. I wrote the original post last night and I didn't SI. Just went to sleep.

I do use music for relaxation, and I had some on last night to help me sleep. Sensation stuff really helps me.

I still kind of want to cut, but I'm going to fill out another before and see if it helps.

Glad to hear you were able to not hurt yourself. Hope the urge passes soon.


I get the scars aesthetic thing. Anything else that can give you that? Tattooing or something?