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Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  It won't change much, except that I'll have cuts to explain to my counselor and T on Monday. My parents will see it, too.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  It will bring pain and take away control.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  I want to get better with my ED and not feel like a total failure for struggling with it. Hurting myself today will just make a mess of things.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  Relief will last maybe 1 hour. After that, I'll be an anxious wreck.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  Light some incense. Read. Maybe have a small sweet treat. Hopefully it will make me feel better, and that change should last through the evening.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  If I hurt myself: tomorrow I will feel like even more of a failure.
  If I don't hurt myself: I might still feel these bad feelings, but they will be lessened and I'll be able to say "at least I didn't cut."
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I want to feel better. That's what it is, deep down; I want to not feel like a total failure for having an ED.


urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  I missed class in order to go to the psychiatrist, then the ER. I feel like a failure because my stupid ED, even though I'm recovering from it now, is f**king up my life.
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  I haven't been in this exact place before, but in the past when I did miss school, I usually drank and cut. Neither of those is a viable option now, and both of them made things so much worse.
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  Played Farmville. I could go for an evening walk, read my new library book, light some incense, and talk to my friends.
• How do I feel right now?
  Still crappy.
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  Numb.
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  Terrible.
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  Well, dealing with an ED is a lifelong thing. I'll always have Ana whispering at me in the back of my head. But I know that if I do the work in therapy and continue to be open and honest with my sponsor and other supports, I'll get better.
• Do I need to hurt myself?

No. I am going to try not to.

Remember you don't have to answer all the questions if you don't feel up to it.