After

[xunwrittenx]

Questions to Answer After A Slip

have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
Yes I have.

what had happened just before? Was trying to be a strong rock for everyone else around me and afterward fell apart...

what were you thinking and feeling? Self doubting. Panicky. Useless. Like I can't save everyone.

why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it? Panic attack set in. I couldn't breath. And I couldn't deal with it anymore. I was suffocating.

how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw. I was offered to go o a walk. With a friend. a very close friend. She thought getting out of the environment I was in would help clear my head. I disnt go. I should've went.
were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how? No.
what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work? Now that I think about it. I didn't. :/
in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they? No.
name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.i didn't use any for some bizarre reason.
how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution? I believe everything is okay. And im going to work on not bottlingb up emotions so I explode.
are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation? Possibly. I always try to be strong for everyone else so maybe I'll realize when I'm trying to save everyone. Because I ways seem to do that before I set off panic attacks.
what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again list three specific things you will commit to trying. 1. Walks around the golf course or by the lake. 2. Writing or guitar playing. 3. Cleaning. For some reason cleaning helps.

About Opportunities to SI

What made that opportunity more appealing than any other? The anxiety/panic attack was never ending. And I almost didn't know I was doing it. I couldn't breath. Seemed like I wasn't sure if I was alive anymore.
Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking? I feel like I made the opportunity.
What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge? Cleaned. I always clean. Or walk. Walking for hours sometimes. I wish I had...
If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased? Decrease.
What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling? Alone. Having tools within hand reach.
If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel? Suffocating.

After You Beat an Urge
How do you beat your urges? Examine how you beat the last one so it can help you beat the next one. I went for a long walk. With a good friend and explained the mess that was my life. And the further I got away from te environment the lesser the feeling got.
Did I identify what feelings were leading me to want to SI? Yes.
If Yes - What were they, and how did I figure them out? Alone. Panicky. I always feel I'm suffocating.
What coping skills did I use to deal with these feelings? Deep breathing. And writing everything down until I was able to go out for a walk.
Were these coping skills the most effective I could have used? Yes.
If No - What coping skills got me through? N/a
Why do I think they worked? Eventually I wasn't alone. I feel vulnerable when alone and going on that walk with a friend. Just lessened to feelings.
How can I deal with these feelings more effectively next time, before the urge to SI sets in? I'm goin to get out of the environment. Remove myself from the situation. To keep myself away from that suffocation feeling. Even if that means sitting in the shower or just walking around the yard or something.

[childofchaos831]

I like how you noticed that you could have gone for a walk when it was offered. Sounds like that friend knows you very well, and knew what you needed at that time. However, hindsight is always 20/20, and looking back we can get caught in the should haves. You didn't take the opportunity this time, that doesn't mean you can't next time tho.

Also, when I have panic attacks, deep breathing is the BEST thing I can do. With Progressive Muscle Relaxation a close second. If you are unfamiliar with that, try googling it. Basically you tense every muscle group starting with your head and release and just go all the way down the body. It takes time, which usually by the time I'm done with my whole body, the attack is over. Remember panic attacks are not unending. They may seem that way, but as long as you can handle it, it will end around 10 to 20, sometimes maybe 30 minutes later. The longest I have had was 25 minutes, because I kept making it worse, by projecting bad thoughts and hyperventilating. As long as you are genuinely getting enough air, the panic attack itself cannot hurt you. It is uncomfortable, and sometimes painful, but it can't hurt you.

Coffee

[xunwrittenx]

I have never heard of that before... Thank you for that.... I may need to look into that a bit more. I tend to tense up like crazy when panic attacks hit. And that muscle relaxation that you suggested may actually help me. I will google for sure. Thank you so much.

[childofchaos831]

Glad I could help.