Before
Posted: Sat Jan 25, 2014 9:48 am
Before You Self-Harm
- Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
-There's been a lot of drama on Tumblr that I've read through today about a person who's very unsafe--but reading about it and then reading people's responses has made me feel very unstable and horrible, especially because some of the responses are bringing up memories/flashbacks/etc. - Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
-Honestly, no, I haven't really before. Things on Tumblr have upset me before, but not usually in the sense of bringing up RA memories before.
- What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
-Listened to music, tried to distract myself with my happy Tumblr, reblogging Pokemon pictures, etc. Um...I guess I could make a Polyvore set about how I feel, or something calming, or cuddle a stuffed animal. I could switch, but I'm afraid my emotions and flashbacks and everything would leak through to whoever came out, and I don't want to do that.
- How do I feel right now?
-Like I am the most worthless human being on the planet, and my existence should be erased. - How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
-Like it's what should happen. - How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
-Like I've atoned for something, but it won't last, it will be a very fleeting feeling, and then I'll go right back to feeling awful, and then doubly awful for having given in and relapsed. - Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
-Be more careful about looking up information about unsafe people in such huge chunks, for a start, that wasn't a good plan...I knew I shouldn't keep reading, but I did, anyway. - Do I need to hurt myself?
-Hopefully not. Still trying not to.