before
Posted: Sun Aug 04, 2013 7:59 am
1. how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I will feel shame. I will feel as if I have betrayed my recovery and hurt my inner child. I will feel disgusted with myself. I will question even more if I have the ability to make it through graduate school. I will feel the endorphin rush and I will crave the release again and again. It is a myth that I can cut myself "just this once."
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? A momentary relief and a [fake] sense of control. what it will take away is any real sense of myself as capable of deling with these awful stressors.
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way? Like I didn't start my new career with self-destruction
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then? EXACTLY! COULDN"T HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF! THis is a never-ending cycle that will keep me in extreme misery, pain, chaos and deprivation.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then? I can put away the things on my bed, put away the veggies I just roasted, brush my teeth and go to bed!
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? Terrible about myself and panicky. Also, craving the SI because of the physiological response involved. I will still feel terrible and panicky, but the physiological craving will not be there, and therefore, I will also feel grateful.
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I can take all of the actions needed to help me feel that school will be okay. This involves studying most of the day tomorrow. Dragging my butt to a meeting in my 12-setp program, calling at least one friend from NYC. calling my dad. Doing the laundry. Organizing my food for the first 1/2 of the school week so that I have healthy choices when the chaos starts back on Monday. Also, going to talk with the disability services coordinator... she said that I was allowed to check in if I was feeling overwhelmed about anything-- not just my learning disability and I trust her. Also, writing out all of my stressors so that I can go in to see my T on Friday with a list in hand so that I can talk to her clearly.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that. Okay. I will try to remember that, thanks!
I will feel shame. I will feel as if I have betrayed my recovery and hurt my inner child. I will feel disgusted with myself. I will question even more if I have the ability to make it through graduate school. I will feel the endorphin rush and I will crave the release again and again. It is a myth that I can cut myself "just this once."
what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation? A momentary relief and a [fake] sense of control. what it will take away is any real sense of myself as capable of deling with these awful stressors.
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way? Like I didn't start my new career with self-destruction
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then? EXACTLY! COULDN"T HAVE SAID IT BETTER MYSELF! THis is a never-ending cycle that will keep me in extreme misery, pain, chaos and deprivation.
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then? I can put away the things on my bed, put away the veggies I just roasted, brush my teeth and go to bed!
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with? Terrible about myself and panicky. Also, craving the SI because of the physiological response involved. I will still feel terrible and panicky, but the physiological craving will not be there, and therefore, I will also feel grateful.
what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
I can take all of the actions needed to help me feel that school will be okay. This involves studying most of the day tomorrow. Dragging my butt to a meeting in my 12-setp program, calling at least one friend from NYC. calling my dad. Doing the laundry. Organizing my food for the first 1/2 of the school week so that I have healthy choices when the chaos starts back on Monday. Also, going to talk with the disability services coordinator... she said that I was allowed to check in if I was feeling overwhelmed about anything-- not just my learning disability and I trust her. Also, writing out all of my stressors so that I can go in to see my T on Friday with a list in hand so that I can talk to her clearly.
urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that. Okay. I will try to remember that, thanks!
