bus

Before You Self-Harm

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  I'll feel calmer. More in control. Clear headed.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  In the long run... in control. It technically takes me further away from that.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  I don't know. Tonight... a day maybe? After that I'll be back where I am now.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation I'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  I don't know. I've tried being mindfull. I've tried sitting with the feeling. I've tried that all f*ing day. I could take a sleeping pill and go to bed, but that's just running away as well.I could p/b
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  I don't know.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  ?????

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

I could take a sleeping pill and go to bed, but that's just running away as well.

was it a reasonable time to go to bed? had you had enough sleep the previous few days?
lack of sleep makes feelings feel worse, and i think in some cases going to sleep a little early is a really good option. if what you need is a break from your thoughts and feelings then sleep is a nice temporary escape and i often wake up feeling more hopeful about a problem or just feel less strongly the way i felt the day before and find it easier to cope without si.

what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation I'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
I don't know. I've tried being mindfull. I've tried sitting with the feeling. I've tried that all f*ing day

you tried those two things, anything else? for me there's hundreds of things i can do instead of si that will likely change the feelings or sensations. things that ground you or distract you, things that comfort you or energise you, things that help you feel supported or help you remember better times. it can be really hard to find the sort of strategy that will work at a certain time so i tend to stick to some basic things - making sure i'm warm/not hot or cold, making sure i'm not hungry or thirsty, going to bed if i need sleep, making plans to tackle things that are making me anxious or upset, and distracting myself as much as possible with music, internet etc.

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
I'll feel calmer. More in control
...
In the long run... in control. It technically takes me further away from that.

what does being in control mean to you? i would guess that the control from si is silencing of thoughts and feelings giving you control over that aspect. is it the same control as the second part, what about si takes you further away from being in control? if you feel urgy, what are some healthy things that make you feel more in control? for me, it's things like writing a todo list, or rambling about a decision on bus or a journal to help myself make a decision. also to feel in control of my mental health it helps me to make an appt with my dr or t, or to remind myself when my next appt is. it feels a bit like i will try to hold on to my appt and then let the dr/t help fix me, even though i know 1 appt probably won't fix anything much, it's at least a start.

I think treasure makes some really good points - I just wanted to add that mindfulness is sometimes very hard to do when urges are so strong... Distractions may be more helpful at that point? (Putting your mind into something else rather than just watching your urge thoughts)..
Thinking of you
han x