bus

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  This situation will not change at all, and I know it. It is just so difficult to listen to the urge, rather than feeling as if I have to immediately take action.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  I think that it will probably bring a much-needed distraction at this time. It will give me a visual representation of how I feel. It may take away some stress in the long term. It will take away a feeling of urgency.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  I want to feel as if I don't have to hurt myself to change my viewpoint/thought process. I want to be able to cope in healthier ways. SI is more likely to bring me farther away from this goal.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  It would last a few hours, but it would mean *something*. When the 'relief' is over, I may be able to sleep or avoid feeling emotionally pained for a short while.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  I could read now or study for coursework for next semester. It will make me feel better in regards to how much I appreciate the learning process, but it will remind me of many issues that are stressors. I would be able to be absorbed in an activity that I enjoy. This change may last for a few minutes or a few hours, depending on how much I would continue to think about past events. I would try to rest at that time.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  I may feel slightly ashamed of myself, but I don't have those feelings very often anymore. I am more likely to feel sore than anything else. If I prepare for coursework, I am more likely to feel very happy about making a headway into understanding new concepts.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  I really want to not feel anything right now. I want to feel as if I can enjoy things other than coursework. I never feel that way anymore. I don't even like many things that I was once enamoured with.
  I can probably protect myself by staying in public places where I am less inclined to SI.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.