bus

It's been a very long time. It feels a little strange to be back here. But here goes...

• what had happened just before?
  I got home from work, where I had been trying to pick up extra shifts...
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  ... and felt really obnoxious for doing so. I felt like I needed to punish myself and provide myself a way to remember not to continue to be obnoxious. I was angry and disappointed at/with myself. I was sad that I may have hurt the others' feelings.
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  Last night, I despised myself for being completely inconsiderate towards someone who means a lot to me regarding a sensitive subject, and I wanted to hurt myself. I convinced myself it wouldn't help and avoided it. Today, after again being inconsiderate and obnoxious, the urge came back, stronger.
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  Last night, I tried reading, doing Ken-Ken, and going to bed. They worked. Today, I didn't try much, because I was too angry with myself.
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  I could have written something out. I could have even written a letter to myself to serve as the reminder that was the purpose of the self-injury. It may have helped me figure out what I was feeling and thinking. I could also have tried to talk to someone.
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  I still feel uncomfortable and disappointed about my lack of consideration towards others. I can take care in future situations to remember the circumstances of others before making comments. I need to remember to think before I speak. I really hope I'll have the presence of mind to refrain from saying anything inappropriate or insensitive. If there's something on my mind, I can find certain ways or certain people to whom to say it that are more appropriate or less sensitive.
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
  • talking to someone, even if it's not about self-harm
  • writing a letter to myself or to someone else
  • doing Ken-Ken or reading a book