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Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  I will hopefully feel some relief. Everything just seems so oppressive at the minute and I just want something to feel simple.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  It will take away my perfect run so far. It will make me feel better.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  I want to not need this anymore, but whatever I do I always end up right back here.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  Maybe a day. Probably until I talk to my best friend and she knows. And I see the disappointed look.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  I have done everything I can think of, a hundred different distractions. I am going to clean up the flat and then I am officially out of ideas.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  I will be a little disappointed in myself. I will feel a little guilty for not calling my friend who has made me promise I will.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I want to be able to control the situation, but I can't and there isn't anything I can do to alter this.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.

More Before Questions To Answer

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  I am stuck in the situation I am in, jobless with litle prospects for the future. I can't change anything until next academic year and I am stuck here in this crap hole with nothing to do til then.
• Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
  I cut. So maybe not the best time to think of.
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  I have talked with friends, but today they are all busy, I have distracted myself, but this no longer seems to work.
• How do I feel right now?
  I can feel every scar on my arms at the minute. I feel like I am trapped and I hate that. It makes me feel like I did when I was a kid being abused.
• How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
  Relaxed. Alone. Destressed.
• How will I feel after hurting myself? How will I feel tomorrow morning?
  I will feel relaxed enough to sleep, but tomorrow I won't feel great.
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  I can't avoid it. I keep getting told that I need to relax about the things I cannot control, but I find that incredibly hard to do.
• Do I need to hurt myself?

Yes, I really feel that I do.