bus

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  i want to feel that i can make it through difficult times and emotions in an effective manner, allowing myself to feel them and deal with them without trying to hide or run away
  si'ing will lead me to feel less capable of doing that
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  right now i don't know how long it would last. in some ways even if it lasted 5 minutes it would be exactly that...relief...even if it's for a short time.
  when it passes i'll probably be upset with myself for a bit in the past giving into these urges has also meant a "clearing" of the mind so to speak so that i can better figure out what else to do
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  i've been distracting in so many various ways and it keeps me from giving into the void that seems to be drawing me in for a while but then it seems to come up and grab me from behind. i need to keep reminding myself that i can make it through this even if i don't yet always understand how
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  at this point i've reached the i don't care either way space which is part of the problem
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?
  i want to talk with someone i trust but don't feel as though i have that option.
  maybe just find somewhere that i can feel safe enough to let myself simply feel what i am feeling..allow myself to move through it

if the time thingy is right this was about 24 hours ago - how are you feeling now m'love?
There must be something that you are holding onto as you did a 'before' post which can be very hard when you are in a 'I dont give a toss, i just want this to stop' mindplace.
Hope you are feeling better today - it sounds as if this is an accumulation of triggers? can you separate them and rationalize?