bus

Before:

Before You Self-Harm
write down the shadow that's hiding behind the urge. look at it. ask yourself:

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  I will feel calmer for a time but the situation will still be the same.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  It will bring calmness temporarily but grief later on when my husbands finds out. It will take away from me the chance to cope without SI and be more healthy and positive.
• how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
  I want to feel myself again and not anxious all the time. SIing now will not help me get to this.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  It will be very temporary as I will then need to explain to my husband who will be upset for me. Once that happens I will feel crappy again as I will have the added feelings of guilt.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  I could do some course work, look up details for my girly weekend away, go for a ride later on this evening when the weather's better, text my husband and tell him I'm feeling low and would like an evening of nice food and hugs. These are positive things which I would feel happy doing. They will be temporary but as long as I can get through until J gets home then I can talk to him about how I feel.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  If I SI I will feel lousy but secretly a little pleased because as much as I hate my SI I love it too If I do the other things I will be chuffed with myself and I will feel more confident going into work and college and wont feel like I gave into the SI. I also wont feel guilty that I made J worry.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I want to have a cup of tea and do the other things I thought of. I'm going to cover up my recent SI so I don't feel triggered and concentrate of the rest of the afternoon without SI.

urges aren't necessarily the enemy. they happen for reasons, and they're an expression of a desire to stay alive and stay sane and keep coping. remember that.