bus

• have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
  
  As best I can. I probably could use a few stitches honestly but since I'm at work that isn't gonna happen...so bandages on my own will have to do for now.
• what had happened just before?
  
  I had a fight with my boyfriend
• what were you thinking and feeling?
  
  I felt upset, annoyed, frustrated, and out of control of the situation.
• why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
  
  My feelings started to affect my ability to work and I couldn't allow that to happen so I cut to get myself back in control and ok.
• were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
  
  Lack of sleep maybe me more irritable, but didn't really influence my choice to ultimately SI
• what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
  
  I tried talking to my mom about it, but since we had to talk through email it wasn't very helpful ultimately.
• in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
  I probably should have walked away from the situation and the argument before I did.
• how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
  
  I felt pissed off and upset and like there was no way for me to possibly make it better. and its not resolved because I just ran away and SI'd instead of staying to see it through. I think space for now is best until i feel more stable, then talk about it.
• are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
  
  I always seem to get in that place when we fight.
• what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.

To talk about it to someone.
To walk away before I get to the end of my emotional rope.
To remember that I ultimately want to not have these mess ups anymore.

• What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
  
  Because I was at work and I needed a solution that was quick. And, this sounds really horrible but I wanted him to know how far he pushed me and how much he hurt me later. I don't feel that way now and feel bad for thinking it, but it's what I was thinking at the time.
• Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
  
  A little of both I guess.
• What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
  
  having the right feeling, having the ability to isolate myself and having the right tools available.
• If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?

desperate.

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