before

[*Kate*]

how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
i will feel calmer and less agitated and sad
how do i want to feel about this in the long run? is hurting myself likely to get me closer to or farther from feeling that way?
i want to be happier, or numb would be acceptable right now too. ill be closer to it for the time being and thats what matters right now
if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
the relief will probably last until the morning, then ill be mad at myself about it probably. ill probably either end up si-ing again or go to the gym to run
what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
i could read or try to sleep. i would just be escaping it for now. im not sure how long that will last. either an hour if i read or however long i sleep..then ill either si anyways or somehow keep myself from doing it
how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
i will probably be sad that i did this again, and mad at myself for doing it. i will probably still be really agitated and sad if i dont do it though.
Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
because nothing is going right. everything is messed up and too many people are mad at me right now. and i gained a pound and im pissed about that. and i feel like im breaking inside and somehow si-ing will hold me together.
Have I been here before? What did I do to deal with it? How did I feel then?
ive been here way too many times. i si-ed or went running. i felt better because in both ways i was somehow damaging myself and nobody knew. i was less bothered by the things going on around me and in my mind and i was calm and focused on just the thing i was doing.
What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
ive tried reading. ive tried drinking tea. i tried watching funny videos. i dont know what else to do right now =[
How do I feel right now?
like i want to cry, but cant. and im aching where i want to si. and so many other things that i dont know how to describe
How will I feel when I am hurting myself?
i will feel some relief and i will be focused
Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
no i cant really avoid it, deal with it better maybe
Do I need to hurt myself?
yes i need to. will i? undetermined.

[treasure]

even if you don't si for an hr (or less), that's one hr where you are controlling the si, and being in control of urges does help lessen them. i hope you found good ways of coping