- have you taken care of your physical wounds? if not, go do that now. we'll wait.
yes - what had happened just before?
a no win situation, it created a major trigger. - what were you thinking and feeling?
That someone had taken from me what little I had accomplished and I was being f***ked over again. Feelings, cold and numb. - why did you end up hurting yourself then instead of some other time? was there an event that was the final straw? what was it?
The other times were devastating and seemingly unfixable at the time but, I had support in those situations and others were involved in taken interest my situation. This time there is no one to help without their hand out for money and I ultimatley have to do what they are going to want. I'm being displaced by the gov't and they are not paying half of what they promised leaving us with more financial problems than we can handle. - how did the situation get to the final straw stage? trace it back through the events that led up to the last event. look for some point at which you could have made a different decision and not arrived at the final straw.
I asked for help from them and they gave me the "were sorry for your bad luck" attitude/look. I asked my wife to sit with me and talk, hold me, help me, and she doesn't really see the signs and pushed me away. She is unwilling to learn about this as it affects me. She just says " I hate the scars, please stop." I could have gone and danced but it was 3:00 am. I tried to call people in the past but waking them up seems like I am bothering them. I gave up without trying. - were there outside factors like drugs, alsohol, being off your meds, lack of sleep, etc? can you address those in the future? how?
Definitley lack of sleep. I was afraid of taking one med to calm me down because it is to easy to take several and lose good judgement and with a physical numbness it's easier to si. Try to take enough sleep meds and attempt sleep. idk - what other ways of coping did you try besides self-harm? how well did they work?
I asked my wife shortly after to cuddle and hold me, I was vunerable but she pushed me away. It was next morning and I tried a shower to destress but company was coming over for get together and there was a lot of stress. My wife was banging on the door telling me to hurry and,well there was the razor. NOT - in retrospect, are there coping methods that you now realize might have helped? what were they?
Leaving and finding someone else to talk to, someone who would hold me ( in a non intimate way ) even if it's wrong. I wanted to exercise but I was afraid I would try to hurt myself without even trying. - name at least two things you will do to help yourself remember those coping methods if you end up in this situation again.
Screw the sick feelings about hurting myself, take affirmative action and exercise, wake up someone and talk to them. If they won't talk, screw them, they're not a friend. I guess thats two. - how do you feel about the situation that led to self-harm now? is it resolved? if not, what are some steps you might take toward resolution?
It's still there and ain't going away. Steps to resolve are costly. It's a no win situation. I have no T at the moment because I owe her 400.00. No stress there. I wish I could talk with someone who can just understand my mental frame of mind and stop being so judgemental. " You don't have to do that, you're stronger that that " What do they know. - are you likely to be in that emotional place again? how will you recognize it when you're in that situation?
Probably. The tightness in my chest, shaking hands and the need to run. - what will you try before you resort to self-harm if you're in that situation again? list three specific things you will commit to trying.
Run. To remove myself from the situation if I can. Go somewhere to be safe, a crowded place where I am not left to think about anything. Don't know where yet.
About Opportunities to SI
Opportunity to Self-Harm seems to be a common theme. Think about why opportunities are important to slips and learn why opportunity is important to you.
- What made that opportunity more appealing than any other?
It was a common place, tools were handy, a final stressor knocked on the door. - Did you make an opportunity or was it there for the taking?
Self explanatory. - What would you have done if there was no opportunity, how would you have handled your urge?
Loud music. writing. But I was expected to help with a family get together so I had no opportunity to use them. - If there had been no opportunity would your urge to self-harm have increased or decreased?
decreased. - What consitutes opportunity for you? Being alone? having new tools? waiting for the right feeling?
Being alone. Tools are always available due to my vocation. There is no right feeling. Despair is the one. - If your opportunties were taken away, how would you feel?
Better
Kaylee