bus

• how will this situation or feeling change if i hurt myself?
  I will be able to concentrate on what I need to do and not want to scream at people that I love anymore.
• what will hurting myself bring to the situation? what will it take away from the situation?
  I really don't know and for the moment I really don't care.
• if hurting myself seems like my best option right now, how long will the relief it brings last? what will i do then?
  Hopefully until I leave work and after that I can figure out something else to do like isolate for the night.
• what is something i could do now instead of hurting myself? how will it change the situation i'm in? how long will that change last, and what will i do then?
  
  Well I would say talk about the frustration and the anger I'm having, but that worked out horribly for about the last week so...who the hell knows.
• how will i feel tomorrow if i hurt myself? how will i feel tomorrow if i do the other thing i came up with?
  
  I'll probably feel like crap.
• what do i really want to do right now? how can i best honor the self-protective instinct that has me wanting to self-injure right now?

I want the bastard to actually live up to his word! Don't tell me to open up to you and then act like a petulant child about it. What I want is to stop getting my feelings stomped on.

• Why do I feel I need to hurt myself? What has brought me to this point?
  Because I'm tired of feeling stepped on, taken for granted, and like I'm in a high school relationship that is never going to get more mature.
• What I have done to ease this discomfort so far? What else can I do that won't hurt me?
  
  So far...nothing. I could walk around or leave the situation and just concentrate on work.
• How do I feel right now?
  
  Like shit. Like I keep getting stuck in this endless pattern that always ends with me feeling like shit.
• Can I avoid this stressor, or deal with it better in the future?
  
  Since I'm engaged to this stressor, I doubt I can avoid it.
• Do I need to hurt myself?

I probably don't need to, but damn do I want to.